“N-n-n-no! D-don’t… Please-don’t-put-the-strawberries-with-the-meat!” I manage to get the words out just before the bagger actually sets the pint of strawberries on top of the steaks.

He responds quickly, placing the fruit in another bag. But he also mutters that he thought it was okay because the meat is wrapped up. He eyes me defensively. “I know, I’m probably a little paranoid,” I offer, giving him a tight-lipped smile.

I really don’t mind grocery shopping. I’ve got my handy-dandy little grocery list app on my phone, and I usually cruise effortlessly through the aisles until everything is checked off. My only excitement – the only unpredictable part of my shopping trip – comes at the end, after the cashier rings up my purchases.

That’s when the bagger takes over. And the adventure begins. Will he squash the bread? Where does he plan to hide the butter this time?

Really, I wonder sometimes how these baggers are trained. I imagine that their training manual looks a lot like this:

Bagger Training Manual

Dear Employee,

Welcome to the wonderful world of groceries! We’re glad to have you on the team! If you work hard and do your best, you’ll be successful here at [grocery store]. You might even be promoted to the coveted position of cashier!

Please review these bagging procedures and commit them to memory. We take pride here at [grocery store] in our customer service and willingness to go the extra mile. Bagging groceries is an important job – one that must not be taken lightly. With that in mind, you will be tested on the following…

Rules of Bagging:

1. Do not waste bags; fill each one with as many items as it will hold. Never double-bag, no matter how heavy the contents.
2. Don’t waste time on any extra steps. Do not tie any bag, no matter how full it is. This is especially important with bags full of fruit.
3. Spread out refrigerated items among all of the bags. A good rule of thumb is one cold item per grocery bag.
4. Always place raw items together: raw fruit, raw vegetables, raw meat. Whenever possible, place raw meat on top of raw produce.
5. Always separate multiples of a single product. No two cans of soup should ever be in the same bag.
6. Bag eggs and bread separately from all other items. Carefully place in bottom of cart for safety.
7. Pick random customers to offer help in loading their vehicle. Give special attention to able-bodied adult males traveling alone.
8. When loading an SUV or minivan, place all groceries in the smallest area possible. Rather than spreading them out, stack all bags as high as necessary.
9. Always offer to close the tailgate or trunk of any vehicle you load. Do not hesitate to force it closed.

What do you think? What rules did I miss?

Let’s just bag it is originally posted at: The Red Clay Diaries - Rambling down the dirt road of life Copyright 2007-2011. Use only with permission. Follow me on Twitter. I'm redclaydiaries