The other night Charlie and I were watching Design Star on the HGTV. Which we normally view between The Ultimate Fighter and What Not to Wear. Except during football season.

(Our viewing choices, they are schizophrenic.)

At the end of this episode of Design Star, the network aired a commercial for a new show. At this moment, I have NO IDEA what the show was about. But that is because my attention was grabbed – nay, SEIZED – by the appearance of the host.

The guy hosting the show-with-no-name looked super familiar to me. But I couldn’t decide from where.

(My grammar, it is arbitrary.)

So I gazed and gazed at the screen, staring intently whenever he was on. (It probably didn’t help that we had the TV muted, so I couldn’t hear his voice. But c’est la vie.)

This is not the first time I’ve seen/met someone that I knew that I knew from SOMEWHERE.

In fact, the biggest gift Facebook has given me (besides “Farmville,” DUH) is the info tab. By reading the info on any Facebook friend’s page, I can actually figure out where I know them from. (eg: old church, high school, college, current church, online only, my childhood, kids’ gymnastics, Abby’s Pre-K, etc.)

Having said that, I have to admit that at my current age, my lifelong people-association problem has gotten much. Much. Worse.

So where was I? Oh yes, familiar TV guy.

First, I thought he had to be from some past show, like a reality show. Maybe a previous season of Design Star? I distinctly remembered him addressing an audience. But no, not a décor show. Maybe Survivor?

(Side note: Did you know that Colby from Survivor: Outback from many seasons ago now hosts a show on the History Channel? True story. Look up Top Shot. He’s perfect for it. How do I know? Because we watch it whenever Color Splash: Miami! isn’t on.)

But although I racked my brain for every obscure reality show I have EVER watched, this guy just did not fit. I shared my curiosity-bordering-on-obsession with Charlie, who of course had no memory of ever seeing the guy.

What to do, what to do…? With that slight underbite and emo haircut (flat bangs, sticking-up back), his odd appearance had really made an impression on me on whatever show that was….

And then I figured it out. He WAS on a TV show.

It was…

….

…

…

I’m too embarrassed to tell you.

I’ve decided that my knowledge – nay, my awareness – of this show says too much about my personal TV viewing habits, my short attention span, and my parenting skills.

Seriously. I can’t bring myself to tell you.

However, I WILL let you guess.

I’ll even give you hints. Here you go:

1. This young man HAS done some hosting/talking to camera stuff. On more than one show, in fact.
2. The show that I know him from is NOT in the reality genre, however.
3. So he acted, but he PLAYED a host.
4. He has a punny stage name.
5. He actually has a talent and has performed with Jason Mraz.
6. Oh yeah, and the show that I saw advertised in that commercial? Is not on HGTV. I figured I should share this.
7. The show he hosts now is on Food Network.
8. The show that I remember him from is one that I do not ever watch intentionally.
9. It is, in fact, one of my least favorite shows on TV. But it’s SO BAD that it’s like a train wreck. I can’t avoid it.
10. I also can’t avoid it because my kids watch it at a volume that I can hear from every room in the house.
11. Have I mentioned that I hate this show? If you guess the answer, I want to be crystal-clear on this point:  I AM IN THE SAME HOUSE WITH THIS SHOW ONLY UNDER DURESS.
12. In spite of the fact that I HATE THIS SHOW that he was on, I am STILL embarrassed to remember any scene, actor, or character from it AT ALL.

And now, having established my total lack of connection to the show that I remember this guy from, I will even share a photo of him.

If you can name the actor (or his stage name), the show he was on, and the character he played (not necessarily the character’s name; I don’t remember that either), then you will win….

…

…

Oh, let’s not kid ourselves. All you win is the opportunity to mock me, and how low parenthood has brought me culturally. Which, when you think about it, is really a darn good prize.

You want to win a real award? Sorry, you’re SOL (“Superduper” Out of Luck*).

Although I WILL pay a million dollars to the person who can erase that show from my mind. And maybe get it cancelled by the network.

*I define the acronym in code in order to spare my mom’s virgin eyes. If you want to know what S.O.L. REALLY stands for, just email me. I’d be happy to corrupt you.