Patience is both very difficult AND very easy for me.
What do I mean? Well, I find BEING patient as much of a struggle as anyone else would, I guess. But ACTING patient? Piece of cake.
(And just to be clear: I’m NOT bragging.)
The skills learned in childhood are often used well into adulthood. And one thing I got really good at as a kid was ACTING patient.
A lot of circumstances could get credit for developing my expertise:
Some early abuse, family breakup, unreliable alcoholic bio dad, a period of serious financial struggle, a lot of time spent alone, etc.
The bottom line is that I didn’t always get what I wanted when I wanted it. My solution? Just stop wanting it.
Another way to say it: Some people focus on CHANGING the circumstances that they don’t like. For whatever reason, I just focused on FORGETTING them.
Because of my expertise in this area, from the outside I can look INCREDIBLY patient and calm. In fact, I’m often asked, “How can you be so peaceful while waiting for fill in the blank?”
I’m never sure how to tell people that the answer is,
“Well, I’m ‘at peace’ because up until this moment I had totally forgotten all about what I was waiting for.”
Smooth, huh? Just call me Role Model.
This one-two punch of denial and distraction is demonstrated by many other wise people: drug addicts, alcoholics, Internet addicts …
Pretty much ANY addicts.
People with ADD seem to have an edge on developing it.
And depression has its roots DEEP in denial.
For a long time I thought my ability to distract myself away from impatience showed that I was practicing that virtue.
But now I know that “not worrying” isn’t the best strategy for me. Because I interpret “do not worry” as “do everything you can to not think about it.”
To practice patience, I have to “not run.” I have to actually FORCE myself to think about and feel the disappointment. Usually, by writing about it. Often here on this blog. After that, when I give it to God, I can actually sense the peace that indicates that I really GAVE IT TO GOD.
Because you can’t hand over a burden unless you admit that you’re carrying it.
How do you handle situations that require patience?
To see all posts on Patience,
Visit Bridget Chumbley.com
19 responses so far ↓
1 Kristi Fornshell // Feb 8, 2010 at 11:11 pm
Wow, canI take back my post?
Steph, this is really powerful. You amoung us all seem so confident and self assured.
Guess it takes some work. Glad you have found your strength. As we live it, we become it.
Just ’cause you are first doesn’t keep me from saying you are best.
Thanks, Kristi
2 Glynn // Feb 8, 2010 at 11:13 pm
Burdens are like that, yes, they are. And you don’t see the burden until you name it.
3 Nick the Geek // Feb 8, 2010 at 11:17 pm
Well based on your statements I must be great at fakin it to (TWSS). In reality I vacillate between two extremes. I either forget about it or I obsess over it. It’s not pretty but it can be fun.
4 @bibledude // Feb 8, 2010 at 11:17 pm
Wow… dude… what a big question! I don’t know that I really know how I handle issues that require patience. If I am honest, then I would probably have to say that I may do the avoidance thing, or at least try to distract myself. Is that the right thing, probably not…
Forcing yourself to face it and stare disappointment in the face is a TOUGH thing to do. But I can see that there can be great power in doing so.
Cool post! Thanks for making me think hard about this tonight!
Dan King
5 Bridget // Feb 8, 2010 at 11:25 pm
I love this…
“Because you can’t hand over a burden unless you admit that you’re carrying it.”
Sneaky, snarky, and smart… you’ve got it all, Steph! Great post.
6 uberVU - social comments // Feb 8, 2010 at 11:26 pm
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by Nick_theGeek: RT @redclaydiaries: New blog post for 1 Word at a Time – Patience: I still … can’t remember … what I’m looking for: http://bit.ly/ciVH7a...
7 katdish // Feb 8, 2010 at 11:58 pm
Dang…we’re a lot alike. Great post, Steph.
8 *~Michelle~* // Feb 9, 2010 at 7:36 am
I’m with Bridget……this was awesome:
“Because you can’t hand over a burden unless you admit that you’re carrying it.”
It felt that you were shining a big spotlight on my addictive ADD personality….and with the “family breakup, unreliable alcoholic bio dad, a period of serious financial struggle, a lot of time spent alone” reference ….wow.
This was great…..thank you!
9 Dacia // Feb 9, 2010 at 9:26 am
Whoa….this really made me step back and take a hard look at my own handling of situations requiring patience.
“The bottom line is that I didn’t always get what I wanted when I wanted it. My solution? Just stop wanting it.”
Yeah…I’m there…
10 Sarah Salter // Feb 9, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Next time you’re going to step on my toes, wouldja mind warning me to wear my steel-toed boots? GAA!
Seriously, Steph? AMAZING. Transparent. Insightful. And in a lot of ways, it held up a mirror for me. *ouch*
11 jasonS // Feb 9, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Beautifully written. Thanks Steph.
12 Ginny (MAD21) // Feb 9, 2010 at 4:12 pm
I am right there with you, Steph, in many ways. I hadn’t really thought about it like this, however.
“… Just stop wanting it… I just focused on FORGETTING them.”
That is SO me. Wow. I usually just tell people that I have different expectations. You know, don’t expect someone to be different than they are. But your perception make so much sense.
Thanks for sharing this piece of yourself.
13 Wendy // Feb 9, 2010 at 5:01 pm
So acting like the problem doesn’t exist doesn’t work? Dang. Now what am I gonna do with the cases of blinders I’ve just ordered?
14 Kathleen // Feb 9, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Poignant truth. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick?” Killing desire isn’t the answer. Good reminder.
15 Sandra Heska King // Feb 9, 2010 at 6:49 pm
I got checked at acting instead of being. And that’s not just for patience.
16 Louise // Feb 9, 2010 at 11:04 pm
This post was brilliant.
Love this: “Because you can’t hand over a burden unless you admit that you’re carrying it.”
17 FathaFrank // Feb 9, 2010 at 11:48 pm
Very raw and real. We can’t get through life faking it. As a recovering addict myself, this is what we do. And sadly we do it well. The key to recovery, IMO, is learning to no longer fake it. If that means “not wanting it any more” we have to be ok with that.
18 Steph at the Red Clay Diaries // Feb 10, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Wow, what wonderful comments. God’s little way of keeping me humble: I was offline almost all day yesterday. If I weren’t, I probably wouldn’t have been able to get my turtleneck over my head.
I’m glad you relate. Even Wendy, who can sell her case of blinders along with MY blinders at my next yard sale.
Thank you again for sharing with me how this post helped you.
19 Bob Parr // Feb 11, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Great Post on denial, and faking patience. Masking would be an appropriate word maybe, that most of us with “addictive behavior” tendencies use. I love your honesty, transparency, and awareness of your weakness’. Press on! I will follow your writings because you seem to be in touch with reality! Thanks, and many blessings!
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