Lately it seems like my neck has a crick in it all the time. Not one of those “I can’t move my head and therefore have an excuse for not doing laundry or dusting” cricks. (I WISH.) More of a “This is annoying and every time I turn my head I sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies” crick.
So I’ve decided that I need a new fluffy pillow. It may do nothing for my neck physically, but I’m so suggestible that I’ll BELIEVE that it’s helping. And therefore it will. (Sometimes a vivid imagination is a real asset.)
Fortunately, a sore neck is the only sleep issue that I seem to have right now.
(Okay, and the occasional night sweats. Which are a b****, by the way.)
Anyway, I’ve never sleepwalked. (sleptwalked? sleptwalk?) Which is good because I hear that that can lead to some awkward situations. (Like when a college friend caught his little brother sleepwalking. In the kitchen. In front of the silverware drawer. Peeing into said drawer.)
Charlie says I snore a little. (Which I know for the King of Understatement and Tolerance probably means that I snore like a buzzsaw. Strapped to a jet engine. In a tunnel.)
(But as long as he lets me, I intend to live in a full state of denial on the subject.)
I’m pretty sure I don’t talk in my sleep. But I just learned about someone who does (and a spouse who takes advantage of it – with hilarious results).
Here’s the deal: Some nice mild-mannered Englishman happens to have a sleeptalking problem. And his long-suffering wife, after years of listening to her husband’s random statements while sound asleep, started recording them. Then she started a blog, which is entirely made up of her transcriptions of what he blurts out.
Some of my favorites:
“You can’t be a pirate if you don’t have a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules.”
“I’m baking pillows. Burn them slowly, keeps them fluffy! Mmmmmm, pillows.”
“My badger’s gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!”
“No, not the cats. Don’t trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much.”
(Now is a good time to point out that this site is not suitable for all audiences. Besides the occasional salty language, one theme seems to come up fairly often. HINT: This IS a GUY dreaming.)
Apparently now they’re getting all famous, appearing on TV shows, etc. But you can say you saw it HERE first. Unless you saw it this week on NBC’s Today Show.
(But if you did, please don’t tell me. My state of denial is very comfortable.)
Click the links below if you want to see more:
Hat Tip to VSL: Very Short List (my pop culture cheat sheet)
11 responses so far ↓
1 Helen // Jan 21, 2010 at 9:04 am
Fun. I went to read the posts. I’m glad my hubby doesn’t talk in his sleep. There are some things I am better off not knowing.
2 katdish // Jan 21, 2010 at 9:09 am
Salty comments be darned! (edited for your blog)
That was badgertastic!
3 Billy Coffey // Jan 21, 2010 at 9:09 am
O. M. G.
That was so freaking funny!
MY boat, MY rules!
4 Marni // Jan 21, 2010 at 9:17 am
This is why I need Ginko (that and for my nightsweats cuz my are a @&*$% too). I heard about this blog a few weeks ago. I kept saying to myself “Must tell the others, must tell the others”. And yeah, I didn’t.
BUT I’m so glad you did. Isn’t it a hoot?? My fave is “give me back my hands, limb thief!!!!”
5 Jeanne Damoff // Jan 21, 2010 at 10:54 am
Ha! I love this. My husband talks in his sleep, too. And if I ask him questions, he usually answers. It can be quite amusing, but I’m really impressed with this other guy. Anyone who can invent a word like “Badgertastic” in his sleep deserves his fame. I’ll have to check him out.
6 Nick the Geek // Jan 21, 2010 at 5:36 pm
Badgertastic just might give Frigintastic a run for it’s money.
7 Kelly @ Love Well // Jan 21, 2010 at 6:13 pm
I had a college roommate who would do this. My favorite line of all time from her (and she had MANY doozies) was when she sat up in bed one morning, opened her eyes (!!) and grinned at me. “Batman is AWESOME!” she said. And then she laid down and went back to sleep.
All of her Christmas gifts were Batman-themed that year.
8 Larry // Jan 21, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Great, talk in your sleep and become a celebrity. I guess that is my problem. I only talk when awake. Now that I think of it there are a lot of celebrities we would all be better for if they did only talk in their sleep…if at all.
I do have a beard, so I can be a pirate.
Larry
9 Wendy // Jan 22, 2010 at 12:46 pm
My one great claim to sleep walking/talking fame was when my sister was having a sleepover, I walked down the hall, opened the door of the room they were in and said, “Let them wear purple!” Yeah, I’m awesome. Maybe even badgertastic.
10 V.V. Denman // Jan 22, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Thanks for the laughs.
Now I’m thinking about a new writing prompt: “If only I were badgertastic, I could . . .”
Think of all the possibilities!
11 Annie K // Jan 22, 2010 at 11:37 pm
I..cahn’t..cahhtch..mah..breath..!
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