I’m feeling rather imperfect today. You might say, EXTRA imperfect. The run-up to Christmas this year seems especially hectic, and I’m kinda overwhelmed.
To-do list in my calendar. Another on a legal pad in my room. Yet another started on a DIFFERENT legal pad in my briefcase. Overlapping and diverging just enough to make me feel like I have NO idea what I’m doing.
Is it just me? Do you ever have more to do than you have time to do it in? And it’s all urgent and due TODAY? Am I the only one who struggles to cope with that situation?
Today I was scheduled to join Abby for an ornament-making “workshop” at school. Because nothing says Christmas tradition like a foam tree with sticky foam “ornaments” on it.
I got there right on time at 10:30. But then I had to sign in, go get Abby from her classroom, sign in again and pick a project, walk to the project room, and help her assemble the ornament.
We were DONE by 10:50.
What a pointless activity, part of my brain grumbles.
(This would be the part of my brain that’s fretting about cleaning the entire house this afternoon for the dinner and meeting that Charlie’s hosting here.)
After all, we’ve got BUCKETS of sticky foam decorations from the craft store at home.
***
“That took a WHILE!” Abby marvels as she takes my hand on our way back to class. “Can you stay for lunch?”
I’ve already promised myself that I’ll eat with her, so I smile and nod.
“YAY! Are you gonna have a corn dog? I LOVE corn dogs! Can I get ice cream today? Did you bring ice cream money? The lunch ladies said I’m all out!”
(GREAT. There goes the cash that I just withdrew last night. And yet another task that I wasn’t aware of. I’m totally going home and writing it on a to-do list just so I can check it off.)
Two Styrofoam trays adorned with corn dogs, chocolate milk, soggy fries and carrot sticks later, she slips off of her seat at the table and into my lap. We share her ice cream treat and she snugs her head up under my chin.
***
In times of busyness, I struggle a lot with feelings of failure. I’m a perfectionist, which I guess means that I see things in either black or white – perfect or failed. When I can’t get EVERYTHING done, I have a hard time feeling good about getting anything done.
Now more than ever, I need reminding of what’s really important.
Today the reminder came in Styrofoam and glue and ribbons and a sticky chocolate grin.
I still feel overwhelmed. I’m still not convinced that the TV screen will get dusted before tonight. But I’m holding onto the truth I saw in those sparkling eyes, gazing into mine as we strolled back to class.
I can check today off as a success.
***
PS I’m feeling much better physically. Thanks for your prayers. I’ll see a specialist at the end of the month to see if we can track down the cause of my recurring illnesses.
8 responses so far ↓
1 Helen // Dec 17, 2009 at 3:50 pm
My dear Steph. Your kids will not remember that the t.v. was dusty. They will remember showing you off to their friends (and swindling you out of ice cream money
2 joyce // Dec 17, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I don’t know alot but I do know first hand that time flies. You’re making foam ornaments with a 7 year old one day and they are traveling home from college for Christmas break the next….the dust will always be there but your little ones not so much….savor these days…they are fleeting. I only wish the dust moved as fast as the years.
3 jasonS // Dec 17, 2009 at 4:59 pm
I know about being perfectionist, but I’ve at least learned that you work hard and when it’s time to be done, you just accept it no matter how hard it may be. It’s easier said than done and there’s a lot of stressing out before then, but grace always covers.
Blessings to you and glad you’re feeling better.
4 Candy // Dec 18, 2009 at 12:07 am
I’ve been down your red clay perfectionist road. I’d do it differently if I had the chance. Now and then I’m reminded of when “mom got in her cleaning mode” and I don’t think that’s a pleasant memory. They also remember “boat songs” – the mix tape that played when we were all together boating with no TV, phones, just each other. Good times. Those were the perfect ones.
5 Marsha Spicer // Dec 18, 2009 at 8:21 pm
I’ve always wondered why people discribe themselves as perfectionists when we all know there was only one who was perfect so why do you kill yourself trying to achieve something you never will. This blows me away. You’ll always be a failure if you keep that up because you cannot achieve perfection. What I would like to encourage you to do, instead, is strive for excellence (the fact or state of excelling; superiority). You can do all things with Christ BUT…be perfect. Enjoy!! Relax!! Cherish!! Be the best you can be!! And please continue to write…I’ve recently met you on Twitter and look forward to knowing you better through Twitter and your blog. I love your sense of humor. Can’t wait for more. Merry Christmas!!
6 Heather Sunseri // Dec 19, 2009 at 8:28 am
I so know how you feel, Steph. I had a week like that. I know that my children were excited to see me at their Christmas parties at school (although my 10-yr-old kind of rolled her eyes at the sight of me – but that’s just the age I hope). My son, who turned 7 today, was extremely excited to have me join him and he definitely didn’t care that I had laundry to do, presents to wrap, errands to run for his bday party, etc.
I’m glad you are feeling better, but am really sorry that you’ve had to go through this recurring illness.
Merry Christmas!
7 katdish // Dec 19, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I hate that All-or-Nothing feeling. I struggle with it too. Sometimes living in the moment is much easier said than done.
Well! Bet that made you feel better! I’m off in search of chocolate…
8 Wendy // Dec 20, 2009 at 2:53 am
My tv is pretty dusty right now, but for some reason, all I can think about is corn dogs…
Leave a Comment