As lousy as I STILL feel, I’m surprised at how witty I’ve been on the Twitter this week. I’m also surprised at how often I was on the Twitter this week. And I’m kinda surprised at what I SAID on the Twitter this week.

Are y’all sure I was on the Twitter this week? It’s all kind of hazy.

On granny panties and going commando:

• @HeatheroftheEO I am SO over laundry. Don’t want to see another pair of underwear for a week.
• HeatheroftheEO: @redclaydiaries I hope this doesn’t mean you’re going to stop wearing it…
• @HeatheroftheEO All commando, all the time.
• @katdish: @redclaydiaries Just for you: http://bit.ly/2pB2VK
• @katdish GAAA
• @katdish: @redclaydiaries Don’t mention it…really.
• buzzbyannies: @redclaydiaries @katdish Double GAAAA! Please tell me Kat..those…aren’t…yours…GAAA!

On writing (or lack thereof):

• sarahmsalter: @redclaydiaries So, how’s your NaNo coming?
• @sarahmsalter I decline to answer that on the grounds that it might show me to be hopelessly lazy.
• billycoffey: @redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter Didn’t Raymond Chandler say that when your story gets 2 complicated the best thing 2 do is kill a character?
• @billycoffey I’d never heard that. What if you’re writing a comedy? Sounds like a buzzkill.
• billycoffey: @redclaydiaries Maybe it could be a slapstick thing. Like a Stooges scene gone horribly wrong.
• @billycoffey Ah, so an eyepoke equals a death in comedy? I could see that…
• RT @billycoffey: @redclaydiaries Yes. Sort of a “n’yuck, n’yuck, n’yuck,” and then silence. // SNORT. Comedy noir.
• billycoffey: @redclaydiaries Oooh, a new genre!

On heavy drinking (by Charlie and others):

• @weightwhat Voices of reason?!! BWAHAHAHAHA! U didn’t type that w a straight face, did you?
• RT @Helenatrandom Uh, yeah…when reason has a sore throat and is drinking for medicinal purposes then, yes, we are the voice of reason
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries Pear pimples on hairy fishnuts.
• @weightwhat THIS is what I’m saying
• Helenatrandom: @redclaydiaries She says drinking will help us to understand…and if not, we won’t catch a cold…
• @Helenatrandom Is there a particular beverage that makes @weightwhat make the most sense?
• Helenatrandom: @redclaydiaries Three fingers of scotch and two teaspoons of whiskey makes everything make more sense…
• @Helenatrandom Okay, but what do fingers have to do with it? Is that how you stir?
• @Helenatrandom So what you’re saying is that fat fingers are an asset in this system? What about a fat assett? Also an assett?
• Flying home Sat: Guy next to me ordered a TRIPLE vodka & cranberry. He had leftover cranberry juice.#Iwouldbecomatose
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries So your husband’s a heavy drinker, huh?
• @weightwhat Haha. It was the guy on the OTHER side. He couldn’t have weighed more than 150lbs either. (I could take him, even sober.)
• @jamesarnold: Today’s Funny/Scary: RT @redclaydiaries: Flying home Sat: Guy next to me ordered a TRIPLE vodka & cranberry. He had leftover cranberry juice
• @jamesarnold Even funnier: someone replied that they didn’t know my husband was such a heavy drinker…
• @charliewetzel: @redclaydiaries @jamesarnold Hey! It was the guy sitting on the OTHER side of her. And he used maybe 3 oz of cranberry juice.
• @jamesarnold: @charliewetzel RE: “other side of her.” Now I know you’re lying because there’s no “other side” in First Class, where you fly, ya Drunky. (We don’t fly first-class, FYI)

From crickets to waffles…

• Either a) The Twitter is cranky b) Tweetdeck is sabotaging me again, or c) Everyone’s gone & left me alone. [crickets] Anybody there?
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries I vote for sabotage!
• @weightwhat You’re not supposed to vote for what you WANT to happen.
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries You never let me have any fun anymore.
• @sarahmsalter Why shhh? Are you enjoying the crickets?
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries Maybe she’s trying to eat waffles.
• @weightwhat Must that be done in silence? Reminds me: I did a crossword today that had as an answer “waffleho”.
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries Yes, especially if they’re Belgian waffles. Belgians are sneaky, you know. And “waffleho”? That’s the coolest thing ever!
• sarahmsalter: @weightwhat @redclaydiaries I used to have a teddy bear named Waffles. Until my then-boyfriend’s rottweiller ate Waffles. *sniff*
• weightwhat: @sarahmsalter I guess buying a maple syrup scented teddy bear wasn’t a good idea afterall, huh?
• sarahmsalter: @weightwhat It’s not that he was maple scented. He was the color of waffles. A golden brown. Evidently, the dog was jonesin’ for waffles.

On illness – because I’m obsessed with it:

• Hello Twitter. Oops. I mean OINK.
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries Huh?
• @weightwhat Oink. Isn’t that what swine say?
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries Is someone sick?
• @weightwhat Yup. LC was diagnosed w swine flu today. Abby either has that or RSV. Yippee!
• SBeeCreations: @redclaydiaries no swine flu, right?! (What is WRONG with you people? Isn’t OINK obvious? I have to explain everything…)
• @SBeeCreations Oh yes. Yes, it is indeed the dreaded flu of the swine. My oldest was diagnosed today.
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries Maybe you should just go lay down and start whining now.
• @weightwhat I agree. I’m a very good whiner.
• weightwhat: @redclaydiaries And you should always go with your strengths.
• Finally filled Abby’s Rx. Antibiotic 4 “little bit” of wetness the doc could hear in her lung. Yay, pneumonia. Oh & BTW, I now have a fever
• Oh, and yes, I am a big whiner.

Random – a lot of it involving Katdish (Don’t worry; it doesn’t make sense to me either.):

• RT @katdish: @redclaydiaries Hand to God – My mom has a pincushion stuffed with HUMAN HAIR! //GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
• BridgetChumbley: RT @katdish: @redclaydiaries Hand to God – My mom has a pincushion stuffed with HUMAN HAIR!//Why u shouldn’t enter Twitter convos midstream.
• RT @katdish: She says the hair keeps the pins sharp. But she made it like 30 years ago! Gaaa! //OMGOOGLE. This is why I don’t sew
• @katdish Me too. That was a hypothetical we. Royal we? Opposite of royal we? That reminds me: I gotta go wee.
• @sarahmsalter @katdish Count me in! Does it involve medeival weapons? I’ve always wanted to swing a mace.
• I just had my boss RT himself. Smooth.
• @katdish Catching up on tweets. Why did you tell Billy to throw up? Is it Vomit Day and everyone forgot to tell me?
• Dear Bob Dylan, Here Comes Santa Claus? Really? Not making me feel very jolly.
• @sarahmsalter Wow. I forgot, some people are more organized than I. Scratch that: MOST people are more organized than I.
• Well that ruins the fun//RT @FakeAPStylebook: The antecedent 4 “she” in “that’s what she said” is generally understood 2 be “your mom.”
• @FaithWords You might want to check/correct that last tweet. Unless u actually R promoting a pop-up booby.
• Just got blog spam that said “Dear author. You are not right. Write me in PM and we will talk.” Um, no thanks. As convincing as that is…

THANK YOU! I’ll be here all week!

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(which really needs its own button) at
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