Two weeks ago, I visited The Extraordinary Ordinary, the blog by my friend the Extraordinary Heather, to see this:
“The insides of my cheeks are really fat.”
I… didn’t know what to do with that nugget of information.
So of course I read the post. And I learned that that Heather? She’s an odd one. (Hair in only one armpit? C’mon. That’s weird.)
Anyway, that got me thinking about MY oddities – the ones that I’m so accustomed to that I consider them normal.
***
Like, the fact that my nose always bleeds when the weather changes.
Or at other random times. I never have figured out what causes it. Except maybe blowing my nose. Or breathing.
It can happen in the kitchen while I’m washing dishes. Or in bed. Or in the carpool line at school. Or at a department store. Every time, I do my thing and wipe and pinch my nose. And the department store clerks scrutinize me as I head to the restroom holding my nose, clearly wondering exactly how much merchandise I plan to abscond with in my sinus cavity. Five minutes later, it’s done. I go on with my life. Unless detained by store personnel for questioning.
Totally normal to me. So familiar that I always catch it before it gets messy. Just the slightest sensation of a runny nose has me running for the Kleenex.
Eww, right?
***
Another thing is my inordinately-short tongue.
For my entire life, I’ve marveled at how far some people could stick out their tongues. I had a friend in high school who could pick her nose with hers! Me? I could barely touch my upper lip.
See what I mean? WEIRD.
But wait. Perhaps not. It turns out that I have a condition.
(Shut up. I do too. I know because Wikipedia has an entry for it)
Take a look: Ankyloglossia. Yep, I’m tongue-tied. My tongue is short because it’s attached too tightly to the bottom of my mouth. (Floor of my mouth? What DO you call that?) To fix it, I’d need surgery. Where they CUT my TONGUE and restitch it. AGGHGHGHGH.
I only just discovered that I was unique THIS YEAR. At age 41. Yeah, I think my short frenulum didn’t hinder me much.
(And I think Short Frenulum would be a really bizarre-but-cool name for a rock band.)
You know you wanna see. Take a look:
Huh. Apparently my nostrils are comma-shaped. I’ll have to add that one to the list.
***
Anywho, I have more oddities than will fit in one post, so I’ll just share one more:
I have a lipoma.
I KNOW. You’re wondering if it’s serious. OMA words usually aren’t good. Isn’t that related to tumors?
Why yes. As a matter of fact, it IS a tumor. A FATTY tumor.
(Also? Fatty Tumor is another cool name for a rock band. Hm.)
What was I saying? Yeah, a lipoma is a blob of fat located just under the skin. Not that uncommon. And completely benign.
My lipoma is on my lower back, just to the right of my spine. Ironically, just above where the anesthesiologist had to insert my 3 (count’em, THREE) epidurals during labor.
(That’s always fun. Using the pause during the contraction to apologize to the very put-out doctor for this anomaly in my anatomy.)
(Three. Separate. Times. Did I mention that yet?…You’d THINK they could put that on your chart…)
When Charlie and I first got married, whenever he put his arms around me, his fingers would end up on the lipoma. And so he’d have to point it out.
Except he always used his Ahnold Schwarzenegger Austrian accent from that great 90s movie, Kindergarten Cop.
Yes, that’s right. At home or out in public, my loving husband would forcefully exclaim,
“Iht’s NAHT a TOOOOOMAH!”
Which brings us back around to the title of this post.
I think I’ve made my case.
20 responses so far ↓
1 Sugar Jones // Aug 27, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I haz lipoma, too!
So of course, I am now checking out my tongue to see if it’s any longer than yours.
2 Mary Anne Morgan // Aug 27, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Awesome, Steph. You are so funny! My day is a little more, hmm, informed, today.
Thanks for sharing!!
3 Marni // Aug 27, 2009 at 1:40 pm
My youngest can pick her nose with her tongue. Ew. My oldest calls her “cow tongue”. Yes, the love and respect is thick in our home.
I have some anatomy anomolies myself:
No birthmark. That really bummed my mom out for some weird reason. It was a blank she couldn’t fill in on my baby book.
I have a small mouth (contrary to popular belief). Every dentist complains about how hard it is to stick their hand in my mouth to clean my teeth and not have room to manuever. Whatev.
I have some odd hump on my neck. It’s shown up in the last 3 or 4 years. It wicked obvious now that my hair is short . I have visions of little kids mistaking me for a humped-back witch when I get really old. Nice.
I have random hairs that pop out on my chin (see above explanation for why this frightens me). I carry a compact and tweezers on me at all times.
Also, my hubs has a fatty subascious (sp?) cyst on his back. No, it’s naht a toooomah.
4 Jo@Mylestones // Aug 27, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I’m just envisioning the poor google searchers who are gonna land on this post. Looking for hope for their fatty tumors. And this is what they get.
5 Wendy // Aug 27, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Wow, I’m sorry you’re such a freak of nature. It’s too bad you aren’t perfectly normal like me. *snort*
6 Amy Warden // Aug 27, 2009 at 3:04 pm
I like the “anomaly in my anatomy”. I was trying to say it in my head and really had to work at it. My youngest has a short frenulum as well. Her sister’s is more like a cow tongue. Oh the oddities. I don’t suppose you can roll your tongue?
7 faemom // Aug 27, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I was tongue-tied too! But in third grade I had the operation because I had a lisp and couldn’t swallow right. It wasn’t bad, except I fight as I come out of anastegia. You get ice cream all week.
8 rachel@justanotherdayinparadise // Aug 27, 2009 at 3:38 pm
As a professional, I have to tell you not everyone with a shortened frenulum needs surgery. One easy test: open jaw approx. distance of a tongue depressor (like you’re biting the wide way). Can you still touch your top teeth? If you’ve made it 41 years, I say it’s probably ok.
As a mother, I can tell you Kyler had surgery, and it wasn’t too bad. It was actually less gross than the tonsillectomy in my opinion. (much less stinky, but that’s probably too much info. . .)
Oh, and I have abnormally long arms. . .just call me monkey arms. they all do.
9 sherri // Aug 27, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Hey Steph, the circus called…
Well, besides being unnaturally short, I do have a odd space between both my big toes and second toes. 4 toes tight together, then a space, then the big toe.
My tongue is fine.
Looks like a bunch of freaks hang out here. I’m leavin’
10 Helen // Aug 27, 2009 at 4:28 pm
HAH! My Bob can only touch his lower lip, and acts like I’m a freak for being able to touch my nose with my tongue! Now I know. HE has a condition….
11 Megan // Aug 27, 2009 at 4:40 pm
So, I think I might have *two* lipomas (lipomi?), one on either side of my spine. I remember asking my dr. about it when I was a teen and he said as long as they didn’t change positions I was fine. Didn’t have a name for it. Now I’m *special*.
12 the domestic fringe // Aug 27, 2009 at 5:03 pm
I have a lump too, in my thigh. That’s where all my fat pools.
Ok, I watched your little tongue vid twice and you didn’t show the part where it’s tied. That’s what I really wanted to see.
THREE epidurals. I would’ve died.
-FringeGirl
13 Candy // Aug 27, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Is anybody really normal? What’s normal??
14 Beth // Aug 27, 2009 at 7:47 pm
I have an abnormally small head. I can wear little kid glasses and sunglasses.
And one of my ears sticks out more than the other.
And the tongue pictures are crackin’ me up!
15 Steph at the Red Clay Diaries // Aug 27, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Wow. I must really attract the crazies. Compared to you people, I’m almost normal.
Okay not really.
Marni – I get the random chin hairs too. Actually it’s ONE hair that keeps coming back. I call it my Grandma Hair.
Wendy- Yeah right.
Rachel- I forgot I had a speech therapist reader! Yes, I pass your test. I don’t lisp either. But my tongue DOES whistle when I say my “S”s. And I have monkey arms too.
Helen- Now I know I’m cool, if I have this in common with Bob. Woo!
Fringegirl- The 3 epidurals were the easy part. The hours of labor before I got them – those almost killed me. And I guess I need to make another video to satisfy your curiosity.
Beth- Making the tongue pictures cracked me up. Editing them? Cracked me up. Posting them as a slideshow: Cracked. Me. Up. Glad someone else enjoyed them as much as I did.
16 Heather of the EO // Aug 28, 2009 at 9:45 am
I love how people start confessing their weirdnesses (totally a word) in the comments.
You have a short tongue and lumps. I have a fat tongue AND fat inner cheeks. We’re all so beautifully different. Such delicate unique snowflakes.
Pffft.
17 katdish // Aug 28, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Yeah. I’m a freak. A doctor once told me that this is common in most folks with ADD, but of all the things I have 2 of, the left one is bigger than the right. Yes. Everything.
18 Sharkbait // Aug 28, 2009 at 2:58 pm
What’s normal? Normal is a setting on your washing machine.
I can turn my feet right around so that they face the wrong way. (Is that weird enough?)
19 BunBun // Sep 3, 2009 at 9:49 pm
My beautiful cotton tail isn’t actually made of cotton.
20 Lane Moore // Sep 7, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Stumbled across your blog in blogworld. I once had a lipoma as well:)
love your red clay pics…reminds me of my home:)
Leave a Comment