Google Analytics: The Cure for Blogger’s Block
Time for another list of crazy google searches that somehow landed people on my blog. The fun thing about this is that most google searchers are looking for information and/or advice. Not a whole lot of people out there looking for redneck humor. (Their loss.)
And if you’ve been around for awhile, you know that I’m not exactly a fount of practical wisdom.
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I’m not sure how much these searchers got out of this blog:
How to get red clay out of clothing: With a title containing the words “red clay,” I shouldn’t be surprised that googlers come to me for laundry advice. Sadly for them, what they discover instead is this, in which I cuss out my laundry room. And this post, in which the best tip is on where NOT to hide for hide-and-seek.
Wii Baseball Strategy: Well, I’m sure THEY found me informative. My only advice? Don’t not swing.
Microwave odor: This was one of my FEW advice posts. And it was probably no help whatsoever.
Other words for tired: Really? That search landed people HERE? All because of this post – obviously one of my finer moments. The good news? Apparently I make an excellent thesaurus.
How we spell caesarean: Annnnnd, NOW I’m a dictionary. (Ironically, they spelled it perfectly in the search.) Too bad my post was about pizza.
Nerds candy: Somehow I suspect the googler WASN’T curious about them post-digestion. Call it a hunch.
I have questions about voodoo and chicken feet: So do I, Sir or Madam. So do I. Mainly: Does all the voodoo traffic from this post put my blog in an entirely different category than Christian?
Scattergories questions: This one cracks me up. It’s seriously one of my top searches of all time. I guess someday I should do an actual post on the board game. Right now googlers have to settle for this.
Dog sleeping on keyboard/Dog hair in laptop/Laptop problems, acting possessed: Once again, no advice here. Just sympathy. Seriously. My solution at the time was to pry off the left shift key, blow out the hair, and try to snap it back on. Which is why it does not work. Four months later. Still.
(Dear Apple, I’m now a fan of your iPhone. If you sponsored me with a new MacBook, I would be an excellent spokesmodel.)
Kids ditching school: Being that our kids only ditched because we took them on a trip, this probably won’t help anyone whose kids are ACTUALLY (as opposed to bureaucratically) truant.
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I can’t even figure out WHAT post these searches landed on, but they’re worth sharing:
Side effects of drinking red clay/Can I give red clay to my 9-month-old? AAAAUUUUUUGGH! I don’t claim to be an expert on the mineral content of our soil, but consuming it CAN’T be good for anyone! Step away from the red clay smoothie!
Poem about the septic tank: I’ve written about my septic tank. And I’ve written a couple poems. But never have I plumbed the depths (get it?) of septic tank wisdom for a poem on that topic. I may have to remedy that.
Redneck plunger: Similar to the septic tank? Redneck IS a theme here. But I don’t remember EVER using the word plunger in my blog. At least until today.
Vacuuming my pantyhose: This is totally something I would do if I owned any pantyhose. But pantyhose are SO 20th century. In my house, varicose veins are the shizzle.
Amy the hedgehog naked: Um, okay. I’m a little hazy on WHO would be interested in seeing a nude hedgehog, but, to each his own.
Drooling in the spa: We don’t have a spa. But we do drool. So there you go, I guess.
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If you found me via google, what were YOU searching for?
If you have a blog, what weird searches brought googlers to YOU?
13 responses so far ↓
1 Wendy // Jul 16, 2009 at 11:04 am
Okay, hedgehogs are really cute and all, but if they were naked wouldn’t they just look like a naked mole rat? No one needs to see that.
Wendy’s last blog post..Ooo! Sparkly!
2 Kara S // Jul 16, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Thanks for the giggles as I read some of these.
Weirdest search I’ve had (that I remember) was about how to commit murder. Thankfully, the person didn’t find any step-by-step directions on my blog, just a review of a book with a murder in it. Otherwise, I might be considered an accomplice or something to the murder said person was intending to commit. LOL
Kara S’s last blog post..Sending a Message to You
3 Annie K // Jul 16, 2009 at 4:37 pm
You already know what brings traffic to my site. I’m not gonna ’say’ it here so as to spare you those kind of hits.
Yes, I’m just that great of a friend. You’re welcome.
Annie K’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Candy!
4 Beth // Jul 16, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Annie K boobs! Annie K boobs!
Okay, speaking of hedgehogs…there was one at our library that my kids loved and this week it was gone. The librarian said it was “sick” and had to “go to the vet.” I’m guessing he died and she didn’t want my wailing mourning children to deal with. But little does she know that they will ask about him every single time until they get a real answer.
And vericose veins ARE the shizzle, my dizzle.
5 Vanessa // Jul 16, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Oh, c’mon! You don’t vacuum your pantyhose? I mean, really. All the civilized people are doing it.
Vanessa’s last blog post..It’s okay to… have NO human interaction for a day
6 thefarmerfiles // Jul 17, 2009 at 1:35 am
haven’t checked my analytics in forever, but I know that one of my most searched posts was about putting potato peels down the sink….and all of my obvious LOST mentions!
thefarmerfiles’s last blog post..Big Rock Fever
7 Sharkbait // Jul 17, 2009 at 2:35 am
My strangest google search?
iteachcoffee
Seriously! What does that even mean???
And how did it find it’s way to me?
Sharkbait’s last blog post..Failure
8 katdish // Jul 17, 2009 at 8:22 am
You had me at varicose veins are the shizzle.
Annie’s boobs are always in the top 5 on my blog.
katdish’s last blog post..Late Night on the Twitter
9 Steph at the Red Clay Diaries // Jul 17, 2009 at 9:08 am
Wendy- And about naked rodents… You haven’t lived until you hear the Naked Mole Rap from Disney’s Kim Possible. And now it’s stuck in my head, THANK YOUVERYMUCH.
Kara S- Glad to have you here! Also glad that your blog is not actually about murder.
Annie K- You ARE a true friend. Unlike some people.
Beth- THANKS A LOT. And I think you should visit the library EVERY DAY so the kids can wear her down.
Vanessa- Thanks for the visit! AND you’ll have to get to know me more before you’ll realize that we are definitely NOT civilized here.
thefarmerfiles- I would totally google the potato peels thing. Been there, done that. And your experience on the set of LOST probably makes you VERY popular.
Sharkbait- I KNOW. You gotta wonder if Google hiccups sometimes and just dumps them on your doorstep. “Here’s another crazy one. Let’s give him to Sharkbait.”
Katdish – Don’t you mean the top 5 & 6?
10 Helen // Jul 17, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Annie K, boobs. (I don’t want Beth to have to be in time out all alone…)
About Hedgie…Maybe the kiddies should be told he went to live on a farm with other hedgehogs he could play with and be happy…
Helen’s last blog post..My 100 Best Tweets This Week…
11 faemom // Jul 18, 2009 at 12:27 am
Amy the hedgehog is from the video games Sonic. Now why would anyone want to see a cartoon hedgehog naked is beyond me.
As for my hits, I should look. It used to be talking about those annoying Jump Arounds from Noggin.
faemom’s last blog post..The dragon shield
12 Billy Coffey // Jul 19, 2009 at 10:26 am
I sure do wish I could get some of these funky searches on my blog. I don’t have boobs, though. Guess that has a lot to do with it.
Billy Coffey’s last blog post..Toward the sunrise
13 A giveaway in a pigeon-toed-Clifford-in-a-bra-mask sandwich | The Red Clay Diaries // Oct 8, 2009 at 10:19 am
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