Happy Belated Father’s Day!
And thank you for all the great comments on my last post about piano lessons. Even the kids’ teacher, Pam, gave some great input.
(NOTE: Looking for a fantastic piano teacher in the northeast Atlanta suburbs? Email me & I’ll connect you w Pam.)
I think the consensus is:
- Music education is GOOD.
- Nobody likes to practice.
- Being evil and rotten is GOOD PARENTING.
I heart validation.
This week I’m dragging my girls out of bed every day for basketball camp. They came home today chattering about foreign concepts like “defense” and “5-on-5″ and “dribbling.”
You have any idea what they’re talking about?
Me neither.
But I do have a theory after almost 12 years of parenting:
Parents, if you want to expose your kids to a sport in this hyper-competitive culture, make sure to start them around the same time as everyone else.
I know this sounds like following the herd and not being counter-culture enough and all that. Kids these days are overscheduled and rushed into doing EVERYTHING.
That’s what we said when we put it off with our kids. And it’s mostly true. That’s why we still have a strict rule about the number of extracurricular activities a child can do at once.
But here’s the thing:
If you put your son or daughter in soccer or baseball for the first time at age EIGHT (8), they will play with – and against – kids who’ve practiced the fundamentals of the sport for at least THREE (3) years.
Maybe some children can handle being that far “behind,” but not so much my perfectionist mini-me’s.
It’s a lot like how my hubby felt when he started taking Tae Kwon Do. In his early 40’s. There he was, a grownup surrounded by little kids, being taught martial arts fundamentals by teenagers. Humbling, for sure. He ended up sticking it out and going on to earn a black belt. But he was also an adult who knew that the prize of mastery and accomplishment would be worth the price.
With my kids and sports, I’ve found that we have to get the price down as close to zero as possible. They don’t have enough wisdom/life experience to see the prize on the front end, and they sure won’t believe us when we try to describe it to them. (See: piano lessons.)
And when the price was too high – like when LC joined a soccer team at age 8 – the prize got permanently obscured by the price. They lost every game, and the coach was more of a screamer than a teacher. Now LC has no desire to play on a soccer team ever again. And he doesn’t enjoy playing it for PE either.
So anyway.
If you want my advice, here it is:
Certainly, don’t put your kids in EVERYTHING. But at the same time, make them “try on” SOMETHING.
(And I mean MAKE. We waited too long for LC to express interest in a sport. Not sure why; that’s not how we handled piano. Now I think our piano model is better.)
Even with the opportunity to learn the basics of a sport, like the girls are getting this week, my kids will probably never want (or be able) to be pro athletes. (Thanks to the pesky artsy-geeky genes they inherited from us.)
But it WILL give them confidence. Learning a new skill is hard enough. Trying to learn after everyone else already has can make a child believe it’s not even worth the effort. I’d guess this also applies to art, music, Legos, math, reading, etc.
What’s your take? Am I smokin’ something? Do you have any insights to add?
P.S. I really do want to know: What is a basketball jones? Is it something that can be discussed in mixed company?
Or should my husband stop singing “I got a basketball jones” over and over and over and over because it’s apparently the only line from the song that he knows?
(In case I wasn’t clear, I’d appreciate an answer that would get Charlie to STOP singing it. Thank you.)
11 responses so far ↓
1 Beth // Jun 23, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Yikes. This IS a dilemma…we’re all artsy-geeky genes here, too. (Surprise, surprise!)
I was blown away when I heard soccer and t-ball starts at 4 years old around here. I hadn’t even thought to put my daughter in a sport yet! And the cost? YIKES. No thank you. We’re forced to wait just because of that.
I was the kid whose parents waited until I showed an interest in sports…so yeah…I pretty much stank it up at volleyball and basketball, even though I learned a lot and enjoyed my short careers in those. Eventually I just gravitated towards sports like running where I could compete more against myself.
I think music is a little different, though. You can do that your entire life. Really…how many people are playing on a soccer team when they’re 37? Well, unless you’re on the Hispanic leagues that totally kick booty…but then it’s technically futbol.
2 Helen // Jun 23, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Sing “Achy Breaky Heart” to him a couple of times. That should get him singing a different tune.
Helen’s last blog post..Dancing Queen, Young and Sweet, Almost Forty
3 Candy // Jun 23, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Having already been through what you’re going through, I totally agree that by starting with their peers they are at a much better advantage than starting 2-3 years later. Call it confidence, call it muscle memory, call it learning to get along – I just saw too many kids who felt like failures after starting a bit too late. Of course, they’re all different, so you just never know. Raising kids is a crap shoot anyway. I had 3 – one of each. If they want to quit and you don’t want them to, it’s pointless. If they’ve quit in their hearts, they’ve quit. They may regret it as young adults, but then they just have to learn to deal with it. That’s something I didn’t teach my kids very well – how to deal with disappointment. Big mistake. But they turned out pretty darned good in spite of me!
Basketball Jones
Candy’s last blog post..Praying on Wheels
4 Candy // Jun 23, 2009 at 8:03 pm
That was supposed to be a hyperlink that didn’t fly – Basketball Jones:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIbp5C-5WXM
Candy’s last blog post..Praying on Wheels
5 BeckeyZ // Jun 23, 2009 at 9:08 pm
as to #3.
My 6 yr old daughter has taken to calling me “Meanie”. I wear that title with pride. She called my husband a meanie the other day, and I said “good for you!”.
Supposed to sign the kids up for swimming lessons tomorrow. Yay.
BeckeyZ’s last blog post..to celebrate….
6 Jo@Mylestones // Jun 23, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Can I just say I’m glad you’re a few years ahead of me in this parenting gig? Cuz all the learnin’ the hard way you’re doing (and then blogging about) is totally gonna benefit me.
So now I better skidaddle and sign up the boy for 4yo soccer camp.
Jo@Mylestones’s last blog post..A closer look…
7 Wendy // Jun 23, 2009 at 10:56 pm
I think it’s important to just beat your child into submission any chance you get. Builds character.
Wendy’s last blog post..Let’s Make a Deal! Or not.
8 sherri // Jun 24, 2009 at 8:27 am
You are right on about the “left behind” theory. That happened with my oldest. He started sports when he expressed interest, several years after his peers had been groomed in baseball and basketball camps. It does a little something to their self confidence we they are forced to learn things(under a screaming coach )that the others had mastered years before. So, with the second son, we started him early, and after a few years he decided sports was not his great love. (Well, except for cage fighting!) Youngest excelled at a very early age and it opened many doors for him. It’s important to allow them the opportunities, and watch closely to see if their hearts are in it. But I agree that not many kids want to practice anything, so some coaxing is always in order.
My oldest (now a rocker) found music as his love when he was 14. He had been in the school band since the 4th grade but didn’t love it, but that experience was necessary for what later has turned out to be a passionate career choice for him. You just never know.
sherri’s last blog post..WHAT SAY YOU ? WEDNESDAY
9 faemom // Jun 25, 2009 at 12:44 am
And here I thought my cousin is way crazy for signing his son up for baseball a week after the kids birthday and soccor like six months ago. I was planning to wait until 5 because really, what are they learning? Now swimming I see as an early learning for safety reasons. Damn, I guess I need to start saving for sports.
faemom’s last blog post..Words to Live by
10 katdish // Jun 25, 2009 at 11:52 am
Both my kids enjoy individual sports – golf and becoming the next Hannah Montana. So we don’t do the soccer thing. I’m assuming Candy posted the Cheech and Chong song. Which is awesome.
katdish’s last blog post..Stay Hungry
11 John // Jul 6, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Hi Steph,
I’m Piano Teacher Pam’s fiance. Enjoying reading your blog so I want to fill you in on what I know about the Basketball Jones song. From what I remember your husband is singing the same line over and over again because it’s the most memorable line. I can’t remember the versus but you probably don’t want him walking around the house repeating it. I think it’s that he can’t do anything with out his basketball and he’s always dribbling. I’m sure it is dumb. It was from a Cheech and Chong album that was popular when I was in … probably junior high school.
My now 12 year old son did gymnastics and was number one in NY at level 4 and number two at level 5 and then quit. It’s heartbreaking and I gave him time off but now I think I have to make him do another sport for character development.
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