I’m pooped.
Yeah, I went there.
First, thank you for all the applause and laughter for my poopy writing.
(Aren’t you glad I didn’t type sh*tty writing? Believe me, it took all of my self-control to avoid it.)
(But I’m disciplined that way.)
So the day has been filled with fun and excitement. I had a bunch of ideas for blog posts. So many that I couldn’t pick one. And then the pollen infiltrated my sinuses, and now I need a nap.
Before I lie down on the couch, here’s some of what’s going on…
A new dog has come to the Red Clay Estate.
The dog’s name is Scruff, and he’s a little bigger than a Chihuahua but long-haired. (And scruffy, if you can imagine.)
He is also fully convinced that he is MY dog. Unfortunately, our neighbor across the street is of a different opinion. So Scruff’s been sleeping in our garage, which is making Charlie nervous, cuz you might remember what happened the LAST time a dog tried to adopt us.
But I’m being a GOOD WIFE and not begging to keep him. (The neighbor even offered to give him to us.) This is because:
a) he’s another dog, and
b) he’s a SMALL dog.
Charlie’s philosophy is that if a dog is small enough for him to punt it 20 yards, that dog is too small.
Charlie and I have concluded that Hannah will never be our “tech” child.
Proof? When the computer doesn’t do what she wants it to, she has one consistent response: To scream,
“The computer’s BROKEN!”
Then while I try to solve the problem, she hops from one foot to the other behind me, looking over my shoulder and shouting unhelpful things like, “I already TRIED that!” and “NOOOOO! Don’t click THAT! I’ll lose my stuff FOREVER and then I’ll get in TROUBLE and Mrs. B will be MAD and the day will be RUINED!”
Just keepin it real, folks.
Abby is learning ENTIRELY too much about the sex lives of insects in school.
“Mom, did you know that when you see lightning bug lights, it’s the boys calling the girls? Then the girl comes over, and they start flashing in the same pattern after they find each other. Or the girl eats him.”
Later…
“Mom, did you know that crickets have a bunch of different chirps? Here’s one: ‘CHIRP!’ It means, ‘Stay away from my girlfriend!’ Then they get married and the chirp sounds like this: ‘Chirp, chirp chirp-chirp, Chirp, chirp chirp-chirp!’ (to the tune of ‘Here Comes the Bride!’)”
***
So… That’s how we are ’round here.
Charlie’s cooking Chicken Piccata for us. I just managed to open a bottle of sparkling cider, only to have it start foaming all over. Thanks to my ninjacat-like reflexes, I rocketed it on the shortest route possible across the counter to the sink, where the foam drained harmlessly away. Until Charlie pointed out that the bottle’s flight path had carried it right over his iPod.
Apparently, I harbor some deep-seated resentment toward my husband because he has an iPod and I don’t.
Then again, maybe now NEITHER of us has one…***
***The iPod’s status is still in question, but Charlie did clean and dry it with a Baby Wipe. And we all know what miraculous properties of THAT product.
(Just bringin it back around to fecal matter.)
(You’re welcome.)
13 responses so far ↓
1 Wendy // Apr 16, 2009 at 7:49 pm
“So the day has been filled with fun and excitement” – don’t you mean the day has been filled with fun and excrement?
Wendy’s last blog post..Hallelujas, Bubble Butts and Target Practice
2 Charlie // Apr 16, 2009 at 7:54 pm
iPhone. I gave YOU my old iPod. (Which you bought for me–so don’t go there!)
3 Steph at the Red Clay Diaries // Apr 16, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Oh yeah. iPhone. Now I’m extra-resentful.
4 Wendy // Apr 16, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Charlie – It could have been worse. It could have been poop.
Wendy’s last blog post..Hallelujas, Bubble Butts and Target Practice
5 Billy Coffey // Apr 16, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Whenever I feel like my life is whirling out of control and my kids are driving me crazy and my job will kill me and my body is slowly breaking down and there is no one, NO ONE, who could possibly have more stress and strain than me, I come here.
And I feel much better about myself. :0)
Billy Coffey’s last blog post..Waiting for home (Family Favorites Week, Part III)
6 Candy // Apr 16, 2009 at 11:51 pm
I’m snuggled in bed at my son’s house and I can’t think of anything more wonderful right now than Chicken Piccata. How cruel. I’m starving! Poop! (yeah, I went there too)
Candy’s last blog post..The Rally
7 Jo@Mylestones // Apr 17, 2009 at 7:15 am
I like Charlie’s drop-kick dog theory. I love dogs, just not the kind that are size of a cat or rodent.
And wow, little known fact that crickets get married. I thought they were all just chirping in sin.
Jo@Mylestones’s last blog post..A Summery Look
8 Beth // Apr 17, 2009 at 8:10 am
I like “Red Clay Estate.” Sounds very..uh…stately.
I need a name for my place like that. Usually I just say “Big Ugly Green House,” but that doesn’t dance around in my mind like yours…
Beth’s last blog post..Being the Spleen
9 katdish // Apr 17, 2009 at 9:10 am
I heart Abby! “Stay away from my girlfriend.” That’s frigintastic!
Wuddup with husbands and their castaway electronic equipment? I spilled diet coke on my razor phone, which prompted dh to get an iphone and give me his castaway blackberry. I’m gonna try the sparkling grape juice on the blackberry trick. I’d like to have his iphone…
katdish’s last blog post..The Quotable Katdish
10 faemom // Apr 17, 2009 at 4:42 pm
LOL Great post.
Charlie and my dad are of the same opinion of small dogs. Tell Hannah that computers are magical, which is why they don’t always do the right stuff, which is what I tell my husband who IS tech sauve but has a short fuse. As for sex habits of insects, well, at least Abbey doesn’t know human habits yet.
faemom’s last blog post..We got a band here
11 Amy Warden // Apr 17, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Poop is just funny. No matter how old you are. But an entire blog devoted to the subject? That would be full of crap.
Amy Warden’s last blog post..Two Soaps and a Lip Butter Giveaway
12 @ngie // Apr 18, 2009 at 7:54 am
Ah, yes, the old classic birds and lightening bugs talk… I remember it well.
Hi SSBBBFF.
@ngie’s last blog post..Driver Log Day 6 with a bit of Trail Mix too
13 thefarmerfiles // Apr 21, 2009 at 9:54 am
Pray for Hannah….she sounds like me!
Pray she gets a husband with ultra patience and super technologically savvy!!!!!
thefarmerfiles’s last blog post..Turning Two
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