My outdoor table is covered with vegetable flats. Every shovel, rake, hoe, and pickax is up from the basement. Two trees and two shrubs in pots have taken up residence on my driveway. A few hours ago I followed muddy footprints from the backdoor to a pair of muddy shoes in the middle of the living room.
It must be spring! And I must have been talked into the folly of a garden AGAIN.
(Grumble grumble grumble. Rassin frassin mundane noodle.)
I try to be cooperative, really I do. But we Wetzels are notoriously black-thumbed.
From where I sit, here are the reasons
for our gardening fiascoes:
1. We don’t like rules.
Now you might think that would only apply to me. But my husband, while my opposite in many ways, shares this trait. Of course, Charlie’s reason is different.
I’m naturally oppositional just because … well… it’s what I do.
Charlie ignores the rules of soil preparation, pest control, weed control because… um… Just a sec.
Sweetie, why DO you resist doing what all the expert gardeners advise?
Because I don’t like to do what everyone else is doing. I’m an iconoclast.
Okay then.
(This conversation did not really happen, except in my own head. But it’s totally what he would say if I asked.)
2. We bite off more than we can chew.
If you’re gonna rent a tiller, you should rush around the yard, tilling willy nilly. (Hee.) Get ALL of the tilling done in the four hours before you have to return it. Then if six tomato plants are good, 15 are better! And since you’re at Home Depot looking for vegetables anyway, you should also decide on and purchase all the flowers that you MIGHT plant if you get that willy nilly tilling (chortle!) done in time.
3. While we demonstrate sizeable talent
for launching projects,
we don’t feel as called to manage them.
In other words, we have short attention spans. Playing with powerful machinery is fun. Picking plants is fun. Even planting plants is kinda fun. Weeding, spraying, watering, harvesting? Not so fun. Last year, to try to do better at those mundane tasks, I did a mini garden on the deck.
(A deck garden. Like you’d have on your apartment balcony. Have I mentioned that we live on EIGHT acres?)
Here is what the deck garden looked like at the end of the season:
Would YOU want me growing your food?
***
Surprisingly, hope still springs eternal in my Red Clay Man.
So I’m trying to be a good sport and play the gardening game again.
I figure that if I track garden progress all through the summer, one of two things will happen.
Either Charlie will finally accept the flaws in my character that contribute to my gardening failure;
OR I’ll have endless blog fodder for your entertainment.
A win-win, if you ask me.
Coming Soon:
Pictures of Red Clay Garden 2009, Week 1!
16 responses so far ↓
1 Candy // Mar 30, 2009 at 10:16 pm
I say get yourself a great pooping dog, show him the garden, and plant away. You’ll have tomatoes the size of your head. Let me know when you have your first sprouts! Our ground is still frozen, but the fish in the pond are venturing to the top, so that’s a sign it will be warming up soon. Dead fish make good fertilizer, too, and we always have a couple of them after an Iowa winter. Can’t wait to hear about your progress!
Candy’s last blog post..Random Picture Challenge
2 Wendy // Mar 31, 2009 at 12:19 am
I hear ya on the black thumb thing! Around these parts, we joke about going to Home Depot to get sacrifices. Hey, if they can’t handle the months or years it may take for me to get them into the ground, then I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.
Wendy’s last blog post..Life is Funny – What did she say?
3 Joyce // Mar 31, 2009 at 12:38 am
I have to say your pictures from last year are not real encouraging but I’ll look forward to seeing how things go this year. There’s a first time for everything.
Joyce’s last blog post..An Almost Perfect Day
4 sherri // Mar 31, 2009 at 7:19 am
We want to enjoy garden vegetables from our nonexistent garden every year. It doesn’t exist for the very same reason yours doesn’t last. We also don’t like following those silly rules. Especially, watering and weeding. You’d think with all the brilliant minds out there, someone would have come up with a better way.
I’d admire you for trying again this year.
sherri’s last blog post..Excuse me, ‘MISTER’!
5 Beth // Mar 31, 2009 at 8:39 am
Haha. Our adventures in gardening produced a single pumpkin last year. And two sunflowers that were supposed to be a watermelon vine?? The less I mess with plants, the better they do. My mums were gorgeous the year we didn’t live here. My flowers usually die by July. But Frank’s hope springs eternal as well. He got me little seed pots and some seeds last time he went to the store. If nothing else, the kids and I will have fun digging in the dirt!
Beth’s last blog post..Grocery Getter Part 1
6 Helen // Mar 31, 2009 at 8:39 am
When the M8 visit this year, you can all come on the patio to enjoy my lovely dandelion garden and crab grass patch. Okay. It’s a small patio, so we probably will enjoy it four at a time…
Helen’s last blog post..It’s the Middle of Lent….
7 Steph at the Red Clay Diaries // Mar 31, 2009 at 9:12 am
Candy – Ew. My old dog has taken to pooping in the house. (Yes, the mystery is solved! It’s her.) Maybe I need to start saving it. Can you compost dog poo? Anyone?
Wendy- Home Depot sacrifices! I love it. That is exactly what WE buy at the big orange box! And I can’t tell you how many plants have died here without ever leaving their plastic containers.
Joyce- NOW can you see why I think it’s hilarious that Charlie wants to grow a big hedge, English garden style?
Sherri- Makes you want to say, “If they can put a man on the moon, why has no one invented self-sufficient plants?”
Beth- Sunflowers? From a watermelon vine? I would have loved to be there when you figured THAT out. “Well, Frank, I really don’t think watermelons grow from big yellow flowers. On 7-ft-tall stalks. Maybe you should’ve planted another pumpkin plant.”
Helen- Four at a time. Hee. You always crack me up.
8 katdish // Mar 31, 2009 at 9:38 am
I can’t compose myself enough to type anything useful to contribute to this conversation because I am CRACKING UP at your “end of season” pictures.
Okay, here goes: “Well, the pots are nice!” That’s all I got.
katdish’s last blog post..I DO NOT heart grocery shopping
9 justanotherdayinparadise // Mar 31, 2009 at 11:54 am
again, are we related? I also have black thumb issues. I honestly think plants have gotten the word and are now committing suicide when they find out who’s house they’re at. . .
justanotherdayinparadise’s last blog post..Who?!
10 Annie K // Mar 31, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Holy mackerel…that picture has me bustin’ up.
At least you don’t have to plant, re-plant, re-plant your garden. Seriously…FROST on June 27th last summer. Killed my whole garden for the third time. I got so ticked I planted a gazillion zucchini seeds and dared them not to grow. I had like 24 zucchini plants. At least I got somethin’.
Annie K’s last blog post..A Horse, A Cat and A Bad Perm
11 Screwed Up Texan // Mar 31, 2009 at 3:52 pm
A black thumb huh? lol This year I have opted for the easy. I’ve picked vegetables that dont require intensive care and I have also decided to fill all the hanging baskets with silk…fake flowers. No more watering flowers everyday.
Screwed Up Texan’s last blog post..Positive Changes
12 Jo@Mylestones // Apr 1, 2009 at 11:34 am
Ok, I can’t keep up. You are talking about April fools day now, and I’m still reading about your garden. Back with a bloggy vengeance, you are!
So, about the black thumb. ME TOO! But it’s not b/c of ADD. I don’t like to do ANY of it, not even the fun starting part. I only do it b/c my husband thinks it would be grand and implores me to do it (even though he never has time to help!). And because I like having fresh mint for my mojitos. And for the record, it’s really hard to kill mint….and that’s a good thing.
13 the domestic fringe // Apr 1, 2009 at 2:10 pm
The picture of your planters is funny. I can’t really grow things either. I know, it doesn’t make you feel better. I have ALL shade, so I can grow NOTHING! Want to live at my house? Shade can be a great excuse.
-FringeGirl
14 Kristin K // Apr 2, 2009 at 4:36 am
Hee hee! Good luck with your gardening adventures. I wish you fresh warm tomatoes and lovely savory herbs:)
Kristin K
Kristin K’s last blog post..I am NOT a Quilter
15 faemom // Apr 2, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Awesome! I don’t know read your blog more because then I end up reading all the back posts, which Love.
I have an herb garden that does well, until I get pregnant and don’t want to water it anymore because I am too sick or too big. So every two years I have to replant. This year we moved instead so someone else can kill it.
16 @ngie // Apr 5, 2009 at 6:27 am
This is why I do cacti. They are so very forgiving. Though I have wanted to branch out into herbs. We´ll see. I like your log idea. Looking forward to it.
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