Why, hello. Just checking in.
What have I been up to? Oh, nothing much… Just a bit of laundry.
Five or ten or 75 loads, give or take a few. I’ve spent my last few days on a suds-powered hamster wheel: gather, sort, wash, dry, fold, hang, put away, gather, sort, etc.
Sort of a “lather, rinse, repeat” on steroids.
I STILL can’t see the laundry room floor.
Oh, and this new Hannah Montana song has been stuck in my head for coming up on 72 hours:
Probably because “boom boom clap, boom dee clap dee clap” is the sound my dryer makes when I forget to take Abby’s rock collection out of her pockets.
But don’t worry – I haven’t forgotten about you.
All the time spent thinking and boomdeeclapping also led me to come up with . . .
The 11 Irrefutable Laws of Laundry
1.
Laundry supplies always run out sooner than expected and at wildly different rates. You will visit that aisle more often than any other in the grocery store – except maybe the milk aisle.
2.
No matter how many hangers you grab for the current load, you will be at least 3 short.
3.
No matter how carefully you grab said hangers, 2 or more will entangle with the other, better-behaved hangers, flip around the bar, and plummet down to smack you in the nose.
4.
Laundry basket left on floor = turtle shell to anyone under 10. Presence of clean, folded laundry notwithstanding.
5.
Water heaters and laundry rooms are consistently located at opposite ends of any home. It’s in the building code somewhere.
6.
If you give a kid a pair of socks, she will demand underwear. And if you wash underwear for her, she will insist on skirts and pants. And if you deliver on pants and skirts, she will cry that she doesn’t have any socks that match.
7.
Socks disappear at exactly the same rate at which used dryer sheets multiply. In fact, it’s entirely possible that lost socks TURN INTO dryer sheets.
8.
Can’t find the kids? Enter laundry room – with dryer running – to fold socks/dryer sheets. Like moths to a flame, everyone under 18 will appear in the vicinity. And voice their need for you at a volume just loud enough to be heard but not understood.
9.
Corollary to #8: Questions yelled into the laundry room are always the MOST URGENT AND IMPORTANT questions in the universe and require an immediate answer to avoid explosive anger on the part of the questioner.
10.
The Y chromosome’s inability to see clothing outside of its closet/dresser habitat manifests much earlier than previously observed. Daughters will always put away laundry sooner than sons.
11.
Laundry. Is. Never. Done.
Amen.
29 responses so far ↓
1 Screwed Up Texan // Mar 19, 2009 at 10:28 am
I’ve washed all the laundry, dried all the laundry, but now its the putting away part I have a problem with. I plan on putting it away sometime soon. Today? Tomorrow? It’s been sitting on the couch in my bedroom and on the floor for oh say three weeks now. If I fold it and put it where it goes (in kids room) they just pull out all their clothes and the clothes end up back on the floor. I think I’d rather procrastinate and shut my bedroom door. It is much easier that way.
2 Steph at the Red Clay Diaries // Mar 19, 2009 at 10:31 am
Screwed up Texan- Laughing here. I can SO relate. At what point is it just better to toss it onto kids’ floors & skip a step? Sometimes I just give up and throw it back in the hamper. Why would I be more willing to wash it again than to put it away?
3 Nick the Geek // Mar 19, 2009 at 10:34 am
I want to say that we have violated a building code. Our heater is in the laundry room and in our old house it was in a closet opposite the laundry room is the pipes ran through the crawlspace about 10 feet before the washer.
Also you might be onto something with the missing socks turning into drier sheets thing.
Nick the Geek’s last blog post..Making an impact
4 Marni // Mar 19, 2009 at 10:35 am
I thought I was the only one that knew laundry supplies run out at wildly different rates. How is it, exactly, that I can have detergent and liquid fabric softner that both tell me will wash, say 60 loads (which is really 25 loads, but that’s another rant for another day) and I will use each on each load of laundry, but inevitably run out of detergent and still have half a bottle of fabric softner?? WHY?????????
Wow. Sorry. I’ll go take my Lexapro now…
5 Helen // Mar 19, 2009 at 11:20 am
“Fold and sort me soon”
The laundry keeps repeating
Why can only I hear?
I know…Beth is our Haiku expert, but I thought I would get the ball rolling…
Helen’s last blog post..Did I Ever Mention That My Mom’s Family is Polish?
6 Joyce // Mar 19, 2009 at 11:31 am
Oh my…this is not a topic you want to get me started on. I call mine Mt. Neverrest : )
Here’s a story for ya-my kids were home this past week from uni and I washed and hung up a brown shirt. It belongs to daughter2 and when she was packing to return to school I told her not to forget it. She said, ‘I didn’t bring that home. Sister must have borrowed it from me and brought it home.’ So I tell the sister..don’t forget the brown shirt. And she says…I didn’t bring it home. We must have left it here at Christmas and it fell off the shelf in my closet into my hamper.
I’m washing things that are already washed and folded and put away on a shelf and yet they STILL find their way into my pile…like I said…Mt. Neverrest.
Joyce’s last blog post..What was George Washington thinking?
7 sherri // Mar 19, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I’m gonna share a big secret- When my guys still lived at home as teenagers, I quit folding clothes. I took them out of the dryer, and just threw them into each of their respective baskets. Why? Because I got tired of seeing the clothes I had pain stakingly folded lying in wads on the floor, or hanging out of their dressers in a tangled mess.
Once they were teenagers, I chose to stop griping about their messy rooms, and just made them keep their doors shut. If they wanted guests over, they had to tidy up their rooms. It worked, kinda’.
Now, I find myself wearing clothes from the clothes basket that I have never hung in my closet. I’m bad that way.
And I totally get the hanger frustration thing.
I’m much less uptight about housework now that I’m older, and I never really was uptight to begin with, so…you can imagine.
This post was very entertaining, to say the least.
sherri’s last blog post..Your Nose is Fine
8 Nick the Geek // Mar 19, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Two things,
I can provide a logical and likely correct answer for the softener and detergent lasting different lengths of times, but as a guy I’ve learned to let some mysteries be.
Regarding the children situation, well it is liek this. When I was a teen my mom got tired of having to collect the dirty clothes from random places around the room. It was a fun litle game called “hide the dirty clothes” but mom seemed to think it was a terrible form of torture called “break my back with extra work.” The ultimatum came down that I either get all my dirty clothes into the hamper or start doing my own laundry. I was doing my own laundry at 14. Interesting but most likely not related I also got my first gray hair at 14.
Nick the Geek’s last blog post..Making an impact
9 Wendy // Mar 19, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Oh the truth in this post! I love the one about the voices just loud enough to be heard but not understood! Oh man is that the truth.
Wendy’s last blog post..60th Anniversary!!
10 rachel@justanotherdayinparadise // Mar 19, 2009 at 1:23 pm
OH MY! #7 makes so much sense! Why didn’t I ever notice this before?!
#11 is totally true. You think the end is in sight, and then you realize. . .We’re all wearing clothes, and [gulp] THEY ALL HAVE TO BE WASHED!!!
Good luck!
[said without bragging--kinda] I got a new washing machine! I love it way more than I ever thought I could love an appliance. . .especially one that doesn’t produce cheesecake!
11 the domestic fringe // Mar 19, 2009 at 1:25 pm
LOL! Thank you so much for clueing me into where all my socks go. They’re now dryer sheets – makes perfect sense!!!
-FringeGirl
the domestic fringe’s last blog post..Rustic Potato & Sausage Stew
12 Beth // Mar 19, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Amen. I finally got the house looking almost clean today…but in the meantime the laundry keeps piling, and piling, and piling. The box for socks katdish sent me is absolutely full and it will take approximately 90 hours to go through to make exactly 3 pairs of socks….I think our socks mutate to become socks that are totally different than the socks they were, therefore leaving 867 unmatching socks. Really, no family should own the number of socks we do. And yet we never have any clean…
And Nick, I also started doing my own laundry at 14. It was a hard and fast rule at our house. When you to to high school…congratulations! You do your own laundry! I plan to institute the same rule with my kids. Only ten years to go until the first child is laundry independent.
Beth’s last blog post..Spring? Is That You?
13 Jo@Mylestones // Mar 19, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Do you realize the profound mystery you have solved with #7? That’s GOT to be it! Although, it does leave me wondering…..where do the socks go when you use liquid softener in lieu of dryer sheets? Perhaps you can address that one for us during your next laundry lament. Cuz I have a feeling there will be more blog material coming from that inspiring laundry room of yours….
Jo@Mylestones’s last blog post..For the Love of Mighty Bites & Cat Cookies
14 Helen // Mar 19, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Rachel, that’s why I do laundry nude……KIDDING!
Helen’s last blog post..Did I Ever Mention That My Mom’s Family is Polish?
15 katdish // Mar 19, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Good post….and yet, I’m still anxiously awaiting the post where you explain why having 27 laundry baskets has changed your life dramatically. Sorry, I’m just in one of those moods…
“If someone yells “Hoedown!”, and your wife hits the floor, you might be a redneck.”
katdish’s last blog post..Keeping Austin weird, one visit at a time.
16 Grace // Mar 19, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Sons put away laundry? Ever?
Grace’s last blog post..Something to Smile About
17 Annie K // Mar 19, 2009 at 7:18 pm
And now we know why Bob loves Helen so.
Steph, my question is…(I actually have a few) -
How often do y’all change outfits?
How often do y’all (meaning you) do laundry?
And how is the ofteness of laundry doing working for you?
Oh, and regarding socks. We buy that Costco pack for my teen daughter with all of the different colors. She mixes and matches (meaning she never wears matches). That way, we never worry about matching up the socks and if one of a pair is missing – we don’t know.
Annie K’s last blog post..This Is What Happens…
18 Steph at the Red Clay Diaries // Mar 19, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Marni- Have any extra? Lexapro, I mean.
Helen- Naked laundry… It would save time, I guess.
Joyce- Mt Neverrest. I like that. I’m sure at least half of my daughters’ clothes that I wash every week are actually clean & in the hamper bc they don’t want to hang them up.
Sherri- This is why we get along. You’re my domestic role model.
Nick- My SON plays that game with me! Yesterday I found 3 shirts & my video camera crammed behind his bed. I… don’t even want to know.
Rachel- Yay for new appliances! And boo that we’re at a stage of life that THAT makes us so excited!
Wendy- I think the kids do it on purpose to drive us crazy.
Fringegirl- To think that I stumbled upon this major scientific discovery. I need to try to get it published or something.
Beth- nothing more depressing than doing a load of mostly socks, mixing them with my unmatched ones, and ending up with more unmatched than matched pairs.
Jo- I cannot address the fabric softener question, since I never use it. Maybe you should do your own study!
Katdish- I’m finding it very satisfying to make you wait like this. Maybe I’ll never tell you the secret of the 67 baskets.
Grace- Mine claims he did this evening. I won’t believe it till I see it.
Annie K –
1. Depends on the person. Me & Hub: 1x/day; Daughters: 2-5x/day depending on if they like the 1st outfit they picked &/or play dress-up. Son: 1x/week, IF I remind him.
2. I don’t know…. When it overflows?
3. As well as can be expected w/ the above answers.
19 Charlie // Mar 19, 2009 at 9:23 pm
We got new a new washer and dryer about a year or so ago. The novelty for Stephanie wore off after about two and a half loads. I think it had something to do with the fact that neither appliance would fold or put anything away.
20 Wendy // Mar 19, 2009 at 11:23 pm
That’s odd… This post didn’t have that cute little button at the bottom earlier… ;o)
Laundry is evil. We should just buy new clothes.
Wendy’s last blog post..I admit to nothing.
21 Topher // Mar 19, 2009 at 11:57 pm
haha love this post.
#10, I still do not put my laundry away!
Now I know it is genetic. lol
Topher’s last blog post..FULL INTERVIEW Joaquin Phoenix On Letterman 2-11-09
22 Carol @SheLives // Mar 20, 2009 at 12:36 am
Amen!!! And I’ve been doing lots of it, too. ‘Cause my mom likes folding it and it’s keeping her busy.
I hadn’t really thought of #7. That would certainly explain a lot. The Sock Monster eats the sock, then poops out dryer sheets. I’m hip to that.
Carol @SheLives’s last blog post..Ultimate Blog Party 2009 – Intro
23 @ngie // Mar 20, 2009 at 4:02 pm
THIS is why we have a house help person.
@ngie’s last blog post..Vlog Cooking with Gas
24 Casey // Mar 21, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Too funny!! I just blogged about the never ending “stuff” that has to be done around the house.
Glad I am not the only one….
Casey’s last blog post..Feeling inadequate….
25 Janna Qualman // Mar 23, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Holy cow, I so agree. I had all the laundry done as of four days ago, and I found probably seven loads worth of dirty clothes today! *sigh*
As for the Hannah/Miley song: I think I’m glad my speakers are busted.
Janna Qualman’s last blog post..What Writing Has Taught Me
26 elizabeth channel // Mar 24, 2009 at 10:35 pm
And it’s just so much worse with the advent of Spring and all these sports uniforms…which are continually dirty and continually lost…
elizabeth channel’s last blog post..Monday Mumbers
27 Nicole // Mar 24, 2009 at 10:50 pm
Can TOTALLY relate to #10! What is it with those Y chromosomers!?
Nicole’s last blog post..I Wouldn’t Have Made It In Caveman Days…
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