A sunbeam, more powerful
Than the clouds
That try to contain it,
Paints a line of light
Across the living room floor.
And upward in the beam
Tiny particles spin
through still indoor air
Like principal dancers
In a microscopic ballet.
I blink. Black letters fade
Into white background.
Pupils contracting, I peer
At a screen of liquid crystal,
Peppered with dancing dust.
******
I’ve been struggling to write these last few days. Clarity of purpose obscured, but not by backlit dust.
Instead, my mind was coated in a thin layer of fear. Fear of failure. Of rejection. Of the unknown.
Today, just as the sun’s arc aimed its light at my computer screen, another light illuminated the particles that were blurring my internal vision.
Now I see:
I’m facing a calling that dwarves me. And I’ve been attempting to push it, pull it, drag and carry it on my own. Weary and anxious, I’m ready to ask God to carry it – and me – forward.
I’m grateful for the truth that these words brought to light:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
I know I’m not alone. What burden have you been attempting to carry all by yourself?
21 responses so far ↓
1 rachel@justanotherdayinparadise // Feb 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm
having trouble finding anything to write about. my life seems to be boring right now, and yet, it’s still kicking my butt most days. That makes it hard to write anything relevant about the minutae. . .
rachel@justanotherdayinparadise’s last blog post..Deer, Deer, Deer, Deer, Deer, Deer
2 Jo@Mylestones // Feb 24, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Steph- truly appreciate you sharing your heart and the struggle with fear of failure, rejection, etc. I completely relate. The best medicine for this anxiety is to be reminded of who God is and what He promises. You’ve reminded me of one of those great promises–that He will give us rest and carry our burdens. Thanks for that!
Jo@Mylestones’s last blog post..Smiling in the face of February
3 Nina in Portugal // Feb 24, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Wow…where do I begin?!
I try to do it all on my own…everything.
So foolish I am.
Matthew 11 rocks!!
4 Helen // Feb 24, 2009 at 4:15 pm
You ask what I am attempting to carry alone: my weight. I am huge. I am not exaggerating. I weigh as much as two average people and a small child. I lack energy from carrying myself around. For Lent, I am starting a semi-vegetarian atkins diet, and asking God to help me keep to it. I want the energy to actually do a corporal work of mercy, and not just write about it.
5 thefarmerfiles // Feb 24, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Unpacking this crazy house!
thefarmerfiles’s last blog post..The Big Reveal
6 Evenshine // Feb 24, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Motherhood.
Great image of the dust swirling in the beam of light. My son tries to grab the flecks of dust. Talk about trying to do it all on your own…
Hang in there.
Evenshine’s last blog post..‘Bama needs! ‘Bama needs!
7 the domestic fringe // Feb 24, 2009 at 8:27 pm
I needed that verse today. My world is going crazy right now and it’s nice to be reminded that I can bring my burdens to HIM.
Great poem.
-FringeGirl
8 Candy // Feb 24, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Amazing how you can take a “blogger block” post and make it so spiritual. Heavenly. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to the big-time bloggers. I too, have such trouble sometimes and wonder how many posts about a dying dog people are really going to read. But sometimes I just pretend that I’m typing to God. Then I don’t care what I say, and neither does He.
He carried you in this post. Awesome
Candy’s last blog post..A Day of Drama: Smells Like Chicken
9 Stonefox // Feb 24, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Parenting, ministry, marriage…you name it! The darts being thrown at me right now are trying to overwhelm me and discourage me. But do you know what? God is totally coming through with His word! I am not intimidated! Praise God, I KNOW He has given me the victory. The battle is fierce, but I am confident of the outcome. Hang in there, girl. The victory is promised!
Stonefox’s last blog post..Spiritual Sex
10 katdish // Feb 24, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Oh, Steph! I just came over here to link you up to my post tomorrow. Heavy, sista! I’ll come back when I’m not tempted to say something, um…Steph-like. I’ll call you tomorrow. Woot! Woot!
katdish’s last blog post..Reality Check
11 Grace // Feb 25, 2009 at 1:37 am
I see your poem to read. But even more, I “see” the pictures it portrays. Beautiful.
Grace’s last blog post..So Much Adventure…But So Little Sleep
12 Joyce // Feb 25, 2009 at 3:12 am
Thanks for this post.
my answer- our future plans, what’s next…I have to work at not trying to carry this myself (or maybe I should say control this). It’s a matter of daily handing it over to God , and most importantly, not grabbing it back.
When I begin to feel overwhelmed by circumstances it helps me to remember all the ways God has worked in my life in the past, that His ways are not my ways (thankfully) and He does have a plan for us.
Your post said alot!
Joyce’s last blog post..Got Books?
13 Jenn Calling Home or lately, Missing in Action // Feb 25, 2009 at 11:07 am
Hey Steph,
I’ve been there too. And sometimes, life just gets too darn busy that there seems to be no time for creativity. Going for a long walk always seems to help, and doing something different…like a poem. Loved it! God is always good. Keep your heart and mind fixed on Him
Jenn Calling Home or lately, Missing in Action’s last blog post..The Old Boyfriends List
14 debbie // Feb 25, 2009 at 11:50 am
Things that I procrastinate and then feel overwhelmed about. That is what I carry.
debbie’s last blog post..The Suburb Sanity Brilliance Issue
15 Beth // Feb 25, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Now I know why I hate to dust…I don’t want to destroy the dancing.
Oh goodness…it would be easier to list the things I HAVEN’T tried to carry by myself, being a perfectionist who hates failure and all…but God usually teaches me more through my failures than my best successes. I don’t know if that’s encouraging at all to you…but you certainly were encouraging to me with this!
Beth’s last blog post..You Da Man
16 sherri // Feb 26, 2009 at 9:41 am
I could not get this post to come up ALL day yesterday when I would try.
This was beautiful.
As far as posting, I don’t care if one person reads it or “gets” it.
ALthough it’s always nice to have readers and commenters and I always want more– but the truth is, for me, I need to put on”paper” all these thoughts rolling around in my head. I’m actually learning things about myself through my own writings.
Does that make any sense?
It’s why I truly don’t care about my typos and grammer that drives all others up the wall.
I’m not a writer, but a communicator.
You, on the other hand, are a writer, but you don’t need to fret because your calling is your calling, and letting God bring in to pass in His time, with out forcing it, will help you enjoy the journey.
I know good things in this arena are in store for you Steph. I feel it in my bones!
sherri’s last blog post..I have Enough Money to Last Me the Rest of My Life…
17 Candy // Feb 26, 2009 at 10:09 am
Sherri, please know we really don’t care about your typos either. We love them. It’s who you are and it gives us comment fodder
Yes, you are a communicator – that’s why you’re here. And really, you rok. So there.
Candy’s last blog post..A Day of Drama: Smells Like Chicken
18 Helen // Feb 26, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Dearest Sherri, Candy is right. We don’t really care about the typos. Sometimes it is just easier to joke about your comments than the word verification. We don’t mean to hurt you. We love you.
Helen’s last blog post..Remembering Dignity When Showing Mercy
19 sherri // Feb 27, 2009 at 8:19 am
I really don’t care when you joke about my typos. Really. I’m just sayin’, I don’t care when they’re in my comments and I’m not at all anal about them, although others wish I were!
But If I were a REAL writer, I would have to be more anal.
Anal is just not a side of my personality!
sherri’s last blog post..I Survived Driving Into the Path of a TORNADO!!!
20 @ngie // Feb 27, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Hi Steph,
Perfect verse. I believe in you.
Your BBFF.
@ngie’s last blog post..Toys, Tools and Treasures
21 Terrace Crawford // Mar 1, 2009 at 12:30 am
Just ran across your blog today. Thought I’d say hello!
–Terrace Crawford
Terrace Crawford’s last blog post..Bubblicious
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