Mmmmmm, coffee.
If you brew coffee at home, who sets up the coffee pot?
In our house, that person is me.
It makes sense: I get up first. And I’m the morning person, so I’m the most alert when making it. And it’s a great (and pretty painless) way for me to practice selflessness first thing in the morning.
Of course, what I’m about to share with you may challenge the above statement.
Over the years, I’ve been pretty good about making coffee for us. Early on, I did it the night before so it’d brew automatically. Then we had kids. And the nighttime coffee setup became more sporadic. But I still DID make coffee – just in the morning. Charlie still got his first cup before he was fully coherent, so he didn’t care.
But I think my eleven years of parenting – and forty-something years of life, are taking their toll on me.
Drinking coffee in the morning has become something of an adventure for my beloved. He never knows what he’s gonna get or when he’ll get it.
(I bring him his first cup in bed. Yes, I’m that good of a wife.)
(Thank you.)
Here are the coffee fiascos he’s witnessed in the past year or so, when his loving and selfless wife…
- Forgot to set the timer and woke up to no coffee.
- Forgot coffee and made a pot of hot water.
- Forgot water and made the coffeepot angry.
- Forgot the pot and flooded the counter.
- Forgot to put the pot “just so” and flooded the counter
- Forgot to place the filter “just so” and flooded the counter.
- Forgot to empty the pot from the night before and flooded the counter.
Flooding seems to be a theme.
***
But today.
Well, today I outdid myself. And he doesn’t know yet. (Shhhh!)
Here’s what happened:
We finished off the first pot by midmorning, like we always do. So I started to set up for a fresh pot of decaf.
Opening the fridge, I reached for the bags of Starbucks coffee on the top shelf. And the decaf was nearest the front.
At this point, a foggy memory began to emerge…
(Psychedelic swirly whirling colors, like an 80s music video from 70s concert footage)
It’s 6:40 a.m. I’m making coffee.
Before I dump out the decaf from last night, I pour myself a cup to reheat.
(Shut up. It’s been in a thermal carafe overnight.)
I say to myself, “Well, while I wait for my caffeine, at least I can have a hot cup of decaf.”
Then I open the fridge and grab a bag of ground coffee from the top shelf.
Holding that bag, I reach for the one behind it, because that is my routine.
(Usually the decaf is in front because it was brewed most recently.)
But the bag behind it is decaf.
My routine is disrupted. And here is where everything starts to go sideways.
“That’s funny,” I think. Surely there’s a decaf nearer to the front than that one.”
(See, I have decaf on the brain because of my cup in the microwave.)
So I look in my hand, and Voila! Decaf.
“Ho ho ho,” I laugh to myself. “I had it here in my hand all along.”
And I make a pot of coffee. Decaf coffee.
Tidy up. Pour cups for both of us. Take kids to school. Continue my day.
I ignore the tiny “You’re forgetting something!” in the back of my brain.
(Mostly because that voice nags me all the time, and usually it’s because it’s smoking something.)
Okay, swirly whirly colors…. Annnnnnd we’ve moved forward to 10 a.m.
Starting the pot of decaf, I open the fridge, and suddenly swirly whirlies flood my brain. There sits the decaf bag in front.
Which means I made it most recently…
Oh. My. Gosh. I served Charlie and me DECAF coffee this morning!
Suddenly my headache and nap at 9:30 a.m. make So Much Sense.
It’s okay! I can fix this!
I’ll make a pot of REGULAR coffee as our second pot. This way we’ll get our quota of caffeine, just a little later than usual.
And Charlie will…never…know…
Waaaait a minute….
Swirly whirlies, little back-of-brain nagging voice… What am I forgetting?
Oh. That he reads this blog.
D’oh.
P.S. I married a really good man, because I know that after reading this, he will not get mad. He will laugh and roll his eyes at me.
Maybe if I’m lucky, he’ll take over coffeemaking.
(Hey! Acquired incompetence gets husbands out of lots of stuff. Why not me too?)
16 responses so far ↓
1 Jo@Mylestones // Feb 12, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I think you may be my coffee-making kindred spirit! Being the chief coffee maker is like my only Prov.31 skill…. See how she rises EARLY in the morning to serve her family? We gotta get points for that, right?
And it’s totally understandable that so many coffee-making mistakes can occur because it’s hard to do ANYTHING pre-coffee.
I’m right there with you on all the previous mistakes except for the latest one. And I only have avoided that one b/c we don’t ever have decaf on hand!
And so far, acquired incompetence hasn’t relieved me of any of my duties. I think it only works for the guys….
Jo@Mylestones’s last blog post..Better to have Lovied and Lost
2 Helen // Feb 12, 2009 at 3:08 pm
I am the only one who drinks the coffee most of the time, so for me , it is a selfish, rather than selfless task. Over the years, Bob has grown used to maybe one cup a week. I don’t drink it every day, but when I drink it, I usually have about four cups, then reheat the rest the next day.
Helen’s last blog post..Inspired by a Noninspirational Song (I Think…)
3 @ngie // Feb 12, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Seriously… I really didn’t follow that… it might be due to my own coffee deficiency today.
@ngie’s last blog post..Come to Bolivia to Help
4 katdish // Feb 12, 2009 at 7:23 pm
G-I-N-K-G-O B-I-L-O-B-A. Like 3 times the daily recommended dosage. Just saying…
katdish’s last blog post..What NOT to give for Valentine’s Day
5 VeRonda // Feb 12, 2009 at 9:53 pm
First, Jo’s comment was hilarious. Now, as the sub coffee drinker, as Hubby is the primary coffee intaker (LOL!), I can definitely empathize the concept.
6 sherri // Feb 12, 2009 at 10:15 pm
I’m also the coffeemaker.
I’ve done a few spillovers myself.
This was good readin’–I love to hear about other “coma moments” in households other than my own.
sherri’s last blog post..Peeps..for Valentine’s Day?
7 Steph at the Red Clay Diaries // Feb 12, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Thanks everyone for making me feel better.
Except for you Katdish. Just sayin.
An update:
Charlie did laugh at my post. A lot. The loudest outburst?
“Oh YEAH. Like I’m gonna take over the coffeemaking!”
8 Mom // Feb 13, 2009 at 12:27 am
This is scary! You’re brain is starting to
function like mine.
9 Mulled Vine // Feb 13, 2009 at 1:38 am
That’s some serious coffee making! We just have a cafetiere, and some bags of caf. I make coffee because I’m up first, otherwise I don’t get any – its that simple.
Loved your post!!! LOL
Mulled Vine’s last blog post..What next?
10 BeckeyZ // Feb 13, 2009 at 5:49 am
I got over all that mess when I bought my Keurig for my Christmas present this past year. I love that thing. Well, as much as a human can love an appliance that delivers a fresh cuppa in just a couple minutes.
It’s not even that hard to make a cup for Ronnie when he wants one, just pop in the k-cup and push a button. He COULD even do it himself, but I still do it for him. But only because I love him.
BeckeyZ’s last blog post..goldfish
11 Matt // Feb 13, 2009 at 9:31 am
Sounds like you need to skip the decaf just to avoid this situation! I can’t drink decaf – it’s just so…empty. Like it has no soul!
Matt’s last blog post..Worst. Date. Ever.
12 Carol @SheLives // Feb 13, 2009 at 6:37 pm
ROTFL!!!
I’m pretty sure your list of the year’s coffee faux pas happen to all coffee making people. Which is why I don’t make the coffee. If it is hubby doing it, he gets to keep all the blame for himself and I don’t look like such goon for all the other faux pas that spatter my day.
I like the psychedelic swirlies, though. Could hear Jimi singing, “Purple haze runnin’ thru my mind…’Scuse me while I find caffeine.”
13 Robin Rane' ~ All Things Heart & Home // Feb 14, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Oh this is tragic and funny at the same time. I would have a huge headache too! But it made for a great story so all’s well that ends “well”, and by “well” I mean: caffinated !
Robin Rane’ ~ All Things Heart & Home’s last blog post..Daddy’s Valentine over time and space
14 Joyce // Feb 15, 2009 at 4:49 am
Hi-I hopped over to your blog from Carol’s at She Lives. I love this story. I could easily have written it myself. When the overflow thing happens to me I just think, ‘My gosh, how many times am I going to let this happen????’ Unfortunately when I try to answer that question the only the answer I come up with is that this isn’t likely to be the last.
I blame pretty much everything on hormones these days. It works for me : )
Have a great day…Joyce
Joyce’s last blog post..Hearts, Flowers, and Super Dog?
15 Steph at the Red Clay Diaries // Feb 15, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Mom – Yes. Yes it is.
Mulled – Do you have an electric teakettle on your counter too? When we were in the UK, our friends were shocked to find that few Americans own a teakettle. We have 1 because deep down Charlie wants to be a Brit.
Beckey – We have a Tassimo single-cup coffee maker. But we have to go out of our way to find the pods for it. So I’ve run out. Plus they’re not cheap, and considering we drink two 12-cup pots of coffee per day, that’s a lot of pods.
Carol – Jimi! Yep, you got the mental image. Now, aren’t those the actual lyrics? If not, they should be…
Robin and Joyce – Welcome! And thank you for your comments. Joyce, estrogen is my scapegoat more often than not. Either that or childbearing.
16 Joyce // Feb 16, 2009 at 2:43 am
I had to add a comment about the electric kettle. I live in the UK and let me tell you when I move back to the states an electric kettle will be the first thing I purchase. I don’t know how I lived without it. Water boils instantly. For real. Sometimes when I’m making pasta I boil the water in the kettle and then dump it into my big pot.
I do sometimes wonder what’s up with all the instant coffee in the UK though? eww.
Happy Monday,
Joyce
Joyce’s last blog post..Hearts, Flowers, and Super Dog?
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