Yes, today is my birthday.

Last night I was all set to write a whiny post about how my husband is thousands of miles away in England and I’m all alone taking care of three ungrateful little trolls and I have a dirty house and all I want to do is sit around all day and mope.

But then…

I woke up well-rested, to a beautiful morning and relatively cheerful kids. I went to Publix after dropping the kids off and shopped with all the other no-makeup-wearing, messy-haired, sweats-wearing moms in the otherwise empty store. That was nice.

But then…

My Google Talk conversation with Charlie only lasted 20 minutes, and after talking with him and my wonderful friend Ally about the birthday dinner they’ll have in my honor later today, I cried for a little while.

But then…

My phone started pinging with Happy Birthday greetings from my Facebook friends. I heart Facebook and their birthday reminder function.

But then…

I realized I needed to use my inhaler because the evil ragweed, it is out to get me. And I could not take a deep breath. That made me cranky. And then jittery after the Albuterol took effect.

But then…

I started on this post and recognized the emotional roller coaster I was on. Then I got up and took a walk in the woods with my doggies.

I’m back now. And my outlook is better. How could it not be after that view?

But I know there will be another “But then….” Today is a day when I have to practice intentional gratitude. So…  Here is just some of what I’m thankful for:

• My husband is gone overnight about once a year. And we celebrated my birthday early, so it’s not like I was forgotten.

• I actually have a work-at-home husband. So when he’s in town, he’s also home all day. We’re separated by a whole floor and we eat lunch together most days. Which he prepares. (I KNOW. I have NO RIGHT to whine.)

• Just before dusk yesterday, I saw two does and four fawns grazing twenty yards from the house. (Neighbor Bill, don’t get any ideas. Nothing with antlers here!) One fawn saw me and bounded over to its mother, leaping almost straight up and down, white tail held high. When I didn’t move, the doe ignored me. The fawn ran and played with his buddies while I stood stock-still and enjoyed the show.

It’s taken me forty-one years (exactly!) to realize this:

Gratitude is a habit: A discipline of the mind that gradually soaks through to the emotions.

I can find plenty of reasons to be sad if I look for them. In fact, the more sad things I list, the more I suddenly become aware of. I become an open wound, sensitive to the slightest touch, no matter how tender. And the infection of depression becomes a real threat.

I’m thankful that today God reminded me to stop and look outward.

I still miss Charlie. And I’m still a little weepy. (But that’s a good thing for me sometimes, since it means I’m not stuffing down the feeling.) I still really need God’s help to remain content.

But I’ll choose to trust what he promises: that he never asks something of me that he doesn’t also fully equip me to do.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10 (New International Version)