In case you haven’t already gathered, I’m not particularly domestic. But today I woke up and decided to turn over a New Leaf. To do something Productive. I was going to Clean Out the SUV.
Or “decrapify” it, as my long-suffering husband says.
[crap (n): junk that is found in a location where it serves absolutely no purpose except to clutter up our lives]
Don’t tell him, but I really just wanted to play with my new camera. It’s so little and cute and red! And I think it takes decent pictures… What do you think?
Let’s see some close-ups of things that don’t belong here, shall we?
Various maps, none of which help me with local driving.
Charlie Sr’s leftover (melted) taffy from our trip to Silver Dollar City in Missouri…. In JUNE.
The special trash bag/tissue dispenser that I bought ten years ago for the truck. Empty. Always. Because they all prefer to put trash in the door pockets:
Okay. You got me. That’s MY door. I should’ve said WE. Today the trash bag went into the giveaway pile in the basement.
But look! It’s not just me! Here’s what we have courtesy of the husband, Mr. Wouldyoupleasedecrapifyyourcar:
What are these three unrelated things, you may ask?
1) An ice scraper that until today lived in the driver’s door pocket (the one that’s now officially a trash receptacle). Today I went to put the scraper with the winter accessories like mittens and scarves because it’s September and we live in Georgia where we have snow on the ground like one day every two years and we always park in the garage where ice doesn’t form on the windshield. My Boy Scout husband has asked me to keep it handy, so into a cubby in the way-back it goes.
2) A cover for a dome light. Does my SUV have a dome light? No. This cover fit on the dome light that was in here. Before we had it replaced with a DVD player. When we bought the vehicle. SIX years ago. I’m not allowed to give it away until I confirm that it doesn’t fit the dome light in our other Toyota. You know, Just In Case.
3) A wrench that I don’t remember ever owning. Even Charlie has no idea. Into the junk drawer. You don’t see the tire gauge out here, because I know better. It lives in the center console.
Finally, a veritable pharmacy:
Somehow I don’t think we need three different bottles of pain reliever. Especially since the only person who asks for it while we’re on the road is Abby. And do I have children’s Tylenol in here? Nooooooo. The nausea medication – great idea, and we’ve put it to use. But the 2005 expiration date just convinced me it was time for it to go.
The other trash went straight into a bin, or you’d see that it was a pretty big pile.
This is actually a conservative haul.
Missing from this cleaning session are:
One leaky Burger King cup, half-filled with melted frozen lemonade. (The other half of the liquid would have flooded the vehicle cupholder. And the cubby below it. Which would also be full of now-soaked trash.)
Three pair of Abby’s shoes (She always leaves extra shoes in the truck – except when she forgets to put shoes on at all and we don’t realize it till we reach our destination at which point we have to buy yet ANOTHER pair of cheap flip-flops.)
Six of Abby’s stuffed animals, her Leapster, and her Toilet Paper Roll Collection.
Five pair of socks, various sizes. (But they’ll be back when we no longer have sandal weather.)
Perishable food like a McDonald’s ranch dip container or milk or cheese – or the baggie full of fermented grapes I found under my seat last spring. Mmmm, winey.
12 DVDs, to all slide around on the floor and end up leaning against the door the kids will get in when I pick them up in the carpool line.
Melted chocolate or crayons filling the little dents in the floor where the seats latch in place. Last time, based only on the scent, I think it was Milk Duds. Charlie scraped it out with a screwdriver.
All done! Yay me!
I should do this more often, I tell myself. Today I got to listen to Good Morning America on satellite radio and drink my coffee and enjoy the temperature in the 60s.
But then I remember it’ll be just as full of junk three days from now. Is it just me, or do Mom Vehicles have some sort of crap critical mass setting?
I guess I should be grateful. It probably serves as ballast to prevent a rollover when I take a curve really fast. Safety feature and all.
12 responses so far ↓
1 Rachel K // Sep 22, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Yes, they definitely have a critical mass limit. Mine is ready to blow!! Unfortunately, I’ve been diverted by the critical mass limit in my house. That’s right, I’ve been decrapifying my house. Eventually, I’ll get around to the car. . .and the 3 chicken mcnuggets I’ll find under the seat. . .with the odd pair of. . .underwear? How did those get in there? Interesting to see you went to Branson. My folks only live about 30 minutes or so away from there.
2 gl0wdie2 // Sep 22, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Golly, I do think your van contents are more interesting than daddy’s junk drawers! The item that made you
the winner was little Charlie’s melted taffy from your trip
here in June.
3 Charlie // Sep 22, 2008 at 5:08 pm
It’s all true–expect the part about the melted taffy in the bag being mine. I know, it says “Dad” on it, but I hand-picked my taffy and didn’t choose any that was purple. Besides, I wouldn’t let good taffy go to waste!
4 faemom // Sep 22, 2008 at 5:31 pm
That was great! I’m always surprised what I find in my car. My toddler always seems to bring in and leave the most random of items (like a spatula?).
5 Steph // Sep 22, 2008 at 9:44 pm
@Rachel,
My parents too! Maybe they’re friends?
@faemom,
Yeah, spatulas have been in my truck too. And measuring cups. And cookie cooling racks. Someone must’ve been playing “kitchen” in there….?
@Charlie,
Okay, I give. I should know you’d eat all your taffy. But I think you have something to be concerned about: Namely, which of our kids has enough against you to set you up?
6 Stonefox // Sep 23, 2008 at 7:35 am
You are so funny! I loved the pharmacy…can tell you have kids!
How often do you de-crapify?
7 Steph // Sep 23, 2008 at 8:22 am
@Stonefox,
My husband would tell you, “not often enough.” But like I said, even if I did it weekly, the job would always be as big. The kids can easily destroy my truck in 24 hours – without even trying.
As it happens, the last time it was decrapified (I can’t believe people are using my word!) was on Mother’s Day when Charlie took the kids outside and spent ALL DAY cleaning it out.
He really loves me.
8 Lorie // Sep 23, 2008 at 10:57 am
I need to decrapify my SUV, too. Very funny post. CAme over from Moms, Ministry and more.
9 Kim Ice // Sep 23, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Stephanie,
You might remember me as Kim Hill. Your mom and I go way back (way). I love your blogs and I am hooked!! I remember where you lived in Central Calif. and I coulda swore your parents referred to it as a “junk store” (not that it wasn’t a very nice junk store). My dear sweet daughter in law has an SUV just like yours! Complete with melted “stuff” and DVDs flying around. In fact, I once broke a CD by moving the driver’s seat back (she’s short) and it. just. wouldn’t. move. So, I forced it….luckily not an important CD..
Blessings to you and your fam
Kim
10 Gloria // Sep 23, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Okay, Okay , it was a junk store. But, as Steph
will tell you, I’m not a redneck!
11 Steph // Sep 23, 2008 at 11:57 pm
@Kim,
Thank you for leaving such a nice comment! I’m really glad that you like the blog so much. I haven’t broken a CD yet, but I’m sure the day will come.
Oh, and THANK YOU for getting my MOM to admit that it was a JUNK STORE. Reading that made my day worthwhile.
@Mom,
So very proud of you. I think we’ve seen a real breakthrough here. See, it wasn’t that hard to admit, was it?
12 Steffj89 // Sep 24, 2008 at 11:51 pm
LOLOL
seriously….how old is your Anna? My Tanner is 4 and they must be a match made in heaven. It is nothing to get to town with him and discover he has no or only one shoe with us.
His 4th day of school this year I got called back to the school less than 2 hours after dropping the child off. He had buried his shoe on the playground and they couldnt find it and he wouldnt be allowed to eat lunch without having shoes on his feet…..
i made the boys (4 and 5) clean out my van the other day….
decrapify puts it wayy too mildly…
my DH doesnt begin to understand how it can get that way in just a day or two…I cant wait till he gets to drive them to school etc for a couple of weeks after #3 is born and see what his truck looks like….
steff
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