Something unexpected and kind of cool has been happening with me lately. I keep making friends in cyberspace. And isn’t that just the kind of stuff you’re s’posed to blog about? I think so.
Some backstory: I’ve never had a lot of friends. Growing up, I was painfully shy and tended to have – at most – a couple best girl friends.
(Of course, I also tended to write those friends notes with the goal of making them fall out of their classroom desks when they read them. Foreshadowing, I guess.)
After college, I slowly outgrew my shyness. In fact, I discovered I kinda liked people. Good news: I “made friends” a lot easier. Not-so-good-news: I didn’t really get close to those friends. They were actually glorified acquaintances.
My friendships had no staying power. With each move or life-change, we’d grow apart. Often in this way: We’d have a minor conflict. And I’d convince myself that friendship + conflict = end of friendship. And then I’d fulfill the prophecy.
Yeah. I’m not proud of that.
Then when I got married, I embraced the delusion that Charlie was all I needed in a friend. (No pressure, Honey!) Happily, he stuck with me in spite of that.
So, it’s fourteen and a half years since I got married. And I’ve changed. Very gradually. After slogging through a lot of painful stuff, God has slowly and carefully chipped away at my shell, pulling me out so I can let people other than my husband see the real me.
First God did it in the real world, before I ever considered blogging. Through that self-exposure I’ve grown closer to some of my existing friends. These are the people I now feel totally relaxed with, and they are a wonderful gift to me.
(One of them is my sister, who I’ve known for almost my whole life. Which tells you how disconnected I was before now.)
Then this summer God told me to Get Off My Butt and Do Something about my calling to write. That’s when I started blogging.
And you know what? I’ve made some bloggy friends. For reals! And here’s the cool part: unlike my flesh-and-blood friendships that had to grow with me as I came out of my shell, these friends met me as the real me.
Surprise, surprise: they like me! (They really like me!)
Since I’m just being me, I already feel a lot more relaxed with these “invisible” friends after a month than I did with my visible friendships after years of hanging out together.
I love the freedom of being real. The journey to get here was painful and scary and if I’d known how painful and scary it’d be, I probably would’ve run the other way. [I'm sure I'll end up blogging about this; God'll just have to tell me when.] But looking at it from this side of the slog, I’m SO glad I took the first step. And that God only showed me a little of the path at a time.
After over twenty years of womanhood, I have finally joined the community of women. And that’s really amazing.
I think it might be even cooler than Toastabags. Maybe.
10 responses so far ↓
1 alece // Sep 18, 2008 at 11:02 am
i could “ditto” so much of this post.
i’m glad you’re finding those friendships here in the blogosphere. i am, too!
2 Rachel K // Sep 18, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Wow. I just stumbled onto your blog from another, but wow. You are saying so many of the things that apply to me. I think it’s easier for “girls like us” to connect on the internet. As a really good friend of mine said, “You can’t hear the kids screaming on the internet.” It’s true. You cut through so many distractions and. . .junk, I guess, to really talk to someone. Thanks, and I’ll be back! (Could you hear the Arnold impersonation? That’s ok, it was really bad!)
Rachel
3 Kristen // Sep 18, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Your honesty is awesome. Seriously. I came back today to learn a little bit more about you and now, NOW, you’re going into my feed reader.
Love this.
–Kristen
P.S. It is true the blogoshpere is filled with cooking, darling moms but there are a few of us take out, marrieds out there. ; ) We’re just hard to find!
4 Steph // Sep 18, 2008 at 3:12 pm
@Rachel K,
I’m glad my post connected with you. This blog addiction I’m developing has so many great side effects.
And my favorite Ahnold impression of ALL time? “It’s NOT a TOOmuh!! [tumor] ” from “Kindergarten Cop”.
@Kristen,
I’ve enjoyed your blog quite a bit too.
Thank you for the positive feedback and putting me on your feed.
Kitchenphobes Unite!
5 Steffj89 // Sep 18, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Hi steph…I just came here from Antique Mommy’s …I think there are a lot of us girls out here in blogland that find it a bit easier to connect in this fashion than in person maybe its cause it allows us a lil bit of freedom to show who we are without feeling judged maybe…
btw i added you to my list of momblogs i read all the time…
steff
6 Heidi // Sep 18, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Steph, It has been really great for me to make blog friends too. Being overseas I have felt incredibly disconnected and is in fact why I started blogging. I have been so blessed by my blog buddies, and I am glad one of them is you!
7 Joanne // Sep 18, 2008 at 7:23 pm
I think being real, and being genuine, goes far in connecting easily with friends. The online writing community seems especially gracious with these traits!
8 Carol Apgar // Sep 18, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Yep – I sure can relate. It is much easier to be real with those that we interact with in our writing. I am hoping that in time I will take down the walls and allow those who interact with me day to day to see the real me.
Your writing is really an encouragement to me and I am really glad that I followed the trail to your blog!
9 Elizabeth Channel // Sep 20, 2008 at 7:55 pm
See what a cool plan God has? I’m so glad you started blogging and I’m getting to know you!
10 Elizabeth // Sep 21, 2008 at 11:43 pm
I just came across your blog today, and this post has gotten me thinking. I have often said that my blogging friends may know me in a more intimate way than my real friends. I think the reasons are varied, but a huge part of it is that they have no pre-conceived ideas about who I am. I’ve also found that I am very uncomfortable with people who know me reading my blog. I feel like I have to live up to who they already think I am, which may not be the real me at all.
thanks for sharing this lovely post, and if it’s ok, I’d love to keep reading.
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